I have a lot of exciting things coming up so decided to spruce up the blog a little. If you want to keep following and reading then go check out www.thereislifeoutthere.com and you can follow along with the conversations!
I will leave this page up for a while before taking it down, but please make sure to hit 'Follow' over on the new page!
Thank you!
Erin :)
Sunday, 19 June 2016
Thursday, 7 April 2016
Edge of a Cliff
Well, it’s been a while.
My last post was all about getting priorities straight for this year, giving more time to writing and working on this blog. And, oh look, we have already hit April! And oh look, I haven’t posted since January …
The last few months have been difficult and confusing, and although I wouldn't say my priorities have gone completely out of whack, I have continued to feel stuck with life and that I haven’t always had my priorities in the right order. Work has been fraught and stressful. I have been overloaded and bombarded with a never-ending list of things to do. Every day has started early and hasn't let up until far later in the evening than I would have liked. Being busy throughout the week has continued into the weekends leaving little time to unwind before a new week begins. This has meant that the time I would have liked to dedicate to this blog, music and just writing in general has been sparse. When it did appear I felt as if I was being forced to spend time on my hobbies. Needless to say I began to resent them. Am I alone in this?
This blog has been a sort of pillar for me. I get to vent and share my experiences, whether they be frustrations or full of excitement. But I have always wanted it to be a place where I could highlight the joy in life, in spite of any pain or unhappiness. I have wanted it to be a source for others to see that life doesn’t need to end when something terrible happens.
I have had to remind myself of that.
Besides the crazy chaotic-ness of school, and perhaps what has had more of an impact on my life, my family has hit a rough patch. My grandfather came over to attend my brother’s graduation back in the summer. Our dad not being able to be there was obviously a painful experience but having our grandad there somewhat softened the occasion. And, our brother got to have his own cheering squad consisting of his two sisters and girlfriend! We are proud to say that we started the cheers in the Cathedral. Our brother was apparently less than impressed, even though he definitely smiled! Anyway, we noticed at this time that our grandad wasn’t quite himself.
Sadly, by the time my graduation came around our grandad was too sick to travel over to attend it. Thankfully, my uncle took the role of representative, which was incredibly sweet and touching, and made the ceremony more bearable. But my grandad’s absence just placed a greater emphasis on the fact my dad wasn’t there.
About a month ago things got serious. My aunt had been flying back and forth to the Isle of Man to make sure our grandad was being looked after and try and sort things out, but as a family we had to start discussing a move to Cyprus for potentially better care. However, before any plans were concrete and had been set in motion, our grandad had passed away.
With five weeks to go we had frantically planned on going to the Isle of Man for a week to spend some time with him as we knew he really wasn’t doing too well and a move to Cyprus was looking more than likely. But a week to visit turned into a trip for a funeral.
The whole time we were on the island was difficult. There were memories of being with our dad as children, taking us to all of the places he spent as a child or youth himself, where he, his cousins and our aunt played. We have been to some of these places since his death but they still held some raw emotions, which I'm sure will always be the case. On top of memories with our dad were the memories we had with our grandad. Going on train rides and walks around the island, stopping off in many coffee shops, going out for meals and many more. With other family members still on the island we had lots of people to catch up with too. It was somewhat overwhelming.
In typical British weather fashion, the Isle of Man tends to be the home to a lot of wind and rain. We were definitely treated to a lot of it, including hail, at which time we were thankful to be inside and awaiting food! Each time we go we are armed with warm clothes, scarves, umbrellas and winter coats. Hairbrushes are also packed but rarely used due to hair being just as tangled as it was prior to any attempt of brushing out the knots. Soon, even washing hair seems too much effort. Dry shampoo was made for the Isle of Man, people, I promise!
However, on the day of the funeral the weather seemed far from rainy and windy. It was not gloomy at all in fact. To unwind a little from an emotionally draining morning and afternoon, our family went on a hike up Bradda Head with our aunt, uncle and cousins. It is a special place to all of us for many reasons and it seemed appropriate to climb to the top on that day of the week particularly. Whilst the 'adults' waited on one of the many benches overlooking the idyllic scenery, us 'young' cousins ventured to the top of Milner’s Tower, and even to the edge of the cliff. Believe me, the opportunity for photos from up there is well worth the shaky legs afterwards, even if we got a little out of breath.
Sitting close to the edge of the cliff, trying to one-up my brother, I sat looking out at the ocean surrounding the island. It was spectacular. I remember thinking about how rough and choppy the sea had been for the few days before that day. It was such a contrast to how calm and still the waves were in that moment. The sun was glorious as it was beginning to set. There was only a gentle breeze in the air and it all seemed very fitting. As Psalm 30:5 says "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning".
The time we spent with our cousins that week, and on this hike specifically, seemed to breathe a little life back into me. We were all so exhausted by the events of the week that just being together was what we needed, or at least that is how it felt to me. Just laughing together and taking pictures of a place we have all grown up to admire and love was perfect.
Sometimes life is hard. And sometimes it is even harder. But, then there are moments that just bring a perspective to it all. Despite the fact that a key member (or rather two) of our family wasn’t with us as we made our way to the top joking and reminiscing about the past, we had a rare week where we were all in the same place at the same time. We spent part of everyday together just enjoying each others’ company.
It was a hard week, but I am so glad for that time together. We got to talk and plan for the times we have to look forward to. And in the pain of loss, we were reminded of the joy that is ahead for us all in the future.
(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!)
Sunday, 3 January 2016
Grown Up Christmas
It's Christmas Eve!!! Another year is almost over - how has it gone so fast?!
Christmas is a huge deal in my house. My mum decorates every room of the house to look like Santa's Grotto - no, I am not kidding! Those of you who know my mum will understand the pain we go through. ;)
As a child I remember being so excited for Christmas! I would get so giddy just like any child in a Christmas movie. The whole idea of waking up to snow (which never happened because we never had snow on Christmas morning!), seeing the Christmas tree with presents surrounding it, having all the family around the table for Christmas dinner and just genuinely having a whale of a time. As I have gotten older, I still get excited. But I guess, as I have to (at least try to) act like a grown up, my excitement is a little bit more reserved. I still love opening presents, but I love to see the look on the faces of my friends and family when they open the presents I got for them - it's mostly shock at my horrific wrapping skills .... which reminds me, I really need to get wrapping! But there is a lot of commercialism involved with Christmas, and it gets even more commercial with each year that passes. The true meaning is being lost in more places and fighting it out to get the perfect gift causes more arguments than it should. So, as a family, we take time to remember Jesus being born (every childhood video of Christmas morning shows my brother, sister and I saying 'happy birthday' to Jesus) and celebrate the beauty of this and hope we have because of it. Jesus is the reason for the season y'all! Can you tell I have listened to a lot of country music already today?
To encourage getting excited for Christmas, you have to put on those Christmas songs! There is a mountain of Christmas songs that I listen to at this time of year. Michael. Buble. You know what I am talking about! His Christmas album is completely on fleek (as my sister would say). I also have a lot of country versions of different Christmas songs that are on repeat. The classics of Bing Crosby, Point of Grace and Steven Curtis Chapman are played too. All of these remind me of when my family and I celebrated Christmas as a child and some have been added to the playlist since.
However, one has been played quite a lot this year in particular. Amy Grant's 'My Grown Up Christmas List' (or Kelly Clarkson's depending on whose I feel like listening to). This year it rings particularly true with all that has panned out across the world. We live in beautiful world, but at the moment, we frequently see it's darkness. The media has shone a huge spotlight on events in Syria and Paris, but there are countless other events that we do not see on the news. There is so much hurt and violence happening on a daily basis, yet we don't always hear about it, often because the latest celebrity scandal is deemed more newsworthy or because politics has brushed it under the carpet.
Listening to the song, I think about how Christmas was for me as a child, and how I see it now. I still get a kick out of seeing the Christmas tree, giving and receiving presents and getting to spend time with family and friends. But, I realise that this is not everyone's reality at Christmas. Not just those in foreign countries, crippled by war or poverty, but those in my own country.
Additionally, there will be many people celebrating Christmas without some of their loved ones. This sucks. When Christmas is built up to be 'family time' and family or friends are no longer around, it can be really difficult to enjoy this time of year. It's often lonely. It's often sad. It's sometimes bittersweet. I have so many family memories of Christmas that include my dad, and I wish he was still around to celebrate it with us. But just because we have the people around us that we love, doesn't mean everyone else does too.
So this Christmas (no, don't start singing Wham!), I encourage you to count your blessings. Cherish all that you have and be grateful for it. But take time to remember those who are not as fortunate as you. And if you are in the position where you can, do something to make someone else's Christmas special, whether it be taking some gingerbread men to your grumpy neighbour, giving money to a worthy charity or just phoning the relatives you don't speak to often enough to wish them a merry Christmas.
I hope you have the most wonderful Christmas, spent with the ones you love!
Erin x
(I have been informed that the hair WAS fashionable at the time ..... ;) jokes - I always wanted curly hair!)
(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!)
1 New Year, 6 New Approaches
And just like that, it's 2016! Where did 2015 even go?!
When New Year rolled around last year I wrote a blog post about my lack of faith in resolutions (read it here http://thereislifeoutthere.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/happy-new-year-and-all-that-jazz.html). I still believe they are essentially hopes and dreams that we make, but they are also simply ones we can make every other day of the year.
I may have also mentioned that it makes sense to start the new year with a sense of clarity and a fresh approach to what you want the year ahead to hold. But along with this, there often comes a focus on ourselves. For many people, 2015 hasn't been a great year. Unfortunately, 2016 won't be that great for some either. When asked what I believe 2016 would hold for me, I honestly felt really anxious. 2015 hasn't been the most clear, and it makes me nervous to think if 2016 will be better. But I did think. Instead of thinking about what was going to happen in 2016 for me and those around me I thought about the different ways I could approach this year ahead. I hope I can remind myself of these when I feel frustrated with the year, and I hope these will give you some ideas as to how you can approach 2016 too!
1. Remember to breathe
Life is busy. Can I get an 'Amen'? I'm sure we all wish we could be a little like Zack Morris and be able to pause time, even if that means our friends are really bad at pretending to freeze. There are piles of to-do lists we can write for ourselves (and delegate a few more to others) and often it can feel as if they grow before we can tick anything off. This is literally my life when it comes to my job. Eventually though, some things become irrelevant because the time they needed to be completed for passes by. Honestly, this is actually quite satisfying. I'm not saying give up on what you need to get done, just don't stress if you don't get everything done! This wasn't even my main point here .... My main point is that sometimes your lists need to take a back seat and be put on the back-burner. You need to take time to breathe - do something that relaxes you. Get a new hobby and spend a little bit of time (or a lot if you put the 'pro' in procrastination) every now and then, as frequently as possible, giving yourself a much needed break!
2. Stop focussing on the past
This is very easily said but very difficult to do. Whilst is can be nice to reminisce, focusing on what has already happened can lead to missing what is happening in the present. I often overthink what has happened previously and this just adds to me being anxious. I need to learn to take every experience and opportunity for what it is and not bring any luggage of failure or fear. If we all approached different work opportunities, social experiences and people this way, would we have more confidence? Would we be more willing to step out of our comfort zone? Would we be more likely to realise our potential?
3. Just keep swimming
I am 90% sure that I have quoted Finding Nemo in a previous post, and I am 100% sure I will quote the movie again in the future (#sorrynotsorry). The whole concept behind Dory's ridiculously catchy song is relevant to anyone. Whatever life throws at you, whether it is something you've been waiting to happen for years or something that just flat out sucks, you have to keep going. Life is meant to be lived and even when you feel like you are crumbling under the pressures of school or work, or whether you could just really use a duvet day and spend it watching day-time TV, there is still beauty and hope in the life you live ...
4. Search for beauty and hope
I can pretty much guarantee that there will be moments in 2016 that won't exactly be fun for you. But, there will still be plenty of beautiful things about your life that you can look to and be thankful for. Maybe a life-long friendship will take it's course and fizzle out, but you will have other relationships with other friends and your family that you can look to. These relationships might even benefit and develop into something even more beautiful. Also look for the hope in your life. There will be things that you can be hopeful for. What are you hopeful for?
5. Focus on other people
Another easily said, harder to do one. When you're finding it tough, know someone else is finding it tough too. Maybe your 'toughness' won't be the same, but if you put your focus on someone else who is hurting, it may help. Do this even if you aren't finding anything tough - if someone else is, you can help them. Make sure you also take the time to develop the relationships in your life. Don't choose to only interact with people via social media - crazily enough, you can speak to someone face-to-face without one of you bursting into a ball of flames! Choose grabbing a long-overdue coffee (or caramel hot chocolate for us non-hipster people) with someone you haven't seen in a while over binge watching Netflix. Or, have that coffee while watching Netflix with that friend! Just spend this year with other people. Make memories and encourage one another.
6. Prioritise right
As I have said, life is busy. But if we can learn to put what is important first and not put greater emphasis on far less meaningful things, life would be a lot smoother. I know that if I spend less time stressing about work than I spend actually getting it done (fellow procrastinators will understand me) my life would be far easier! That's a basic example, and probably one that relates to all of us. My main focus for this year ahead is to get the big priorities right. 1. God 2. Family and friends 3. Work. I know people reading this may not believe in what I do but I know that I need to put God first in my life. There are so many things that I waste time worrying about that could have not even developed into an issue if I had prayed or read my Bible. So, this is something that I am approaching differently going into 2016. As for family and work, I understand I have to work, and so does my family, but it's when work life takes precedence over spending time as a family that we have issues! In 2016, I have to make sure that my priorities are in the correct order! I don't want to look back in a year from now and realise that all my issues and struggles were a result of my priorities not being in the right order .... because that would be my fault, and I would rather blame someone else .... just kidding!
Despite nerves and anxieties growing each day over many different things, I look forward to seeing what 2016 holds, and what we all do with it. As corny as it sounds we only have one time to make 2016 count. So approach it the right way and actually make it count!
When New Year rolled around last year I wrote a blog post about my lack of faith in resolutions (read it here http://thereislifeoutthere.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/happy-new-year-and-all-that-jazz.html). I still believe they are essentially hopes and dreams that we make, but they are also simply ones we can make every other day of the year.
I may have also mentioned that it makes sense to start the new year with a sense of clarity and a fresh approach to what you want the year ahead to hold. But along with this, there often comes a focus on ourselves. For many people, 2015 hasn't been a great year. Unfortunately, 2016 won't be that great for some either. When asked what I believe 2016 would hold for me, I honestly felt really anxious. 2015 hasn't been the most clear, and it makes me nervous to think if 2016 will be better. But I did think. Instead of thinking about what was going to happen in 2016 for me and those around me I thought about the different ways I could approach this year ahead. I hope I can remind myself of these when I feel frustrated with the year, and I hope these will give you some ideas as to how you can approach 2016 too!
1. Remember to breathe
Life is busy. Can I get an 'Amen'? I'm sure we all wish we could be a little like Zack Morris and be able to pause time, even if that means our friends are really bad at pretending to freeze. There are piles of to-do lists we can write for ourselves (and delegate a few more to others) and often it can feel as if they grow before we can tick anything off. This is literally my life when it comes to my job. Eventually though, some things become irrelevant because the time they needed to be completed for passes by. Honestly, this is actually quite satisfying. I'm not saying give up on what you need to get done, just don't stress if you don't get everything done! This wasn't even my main point here .... My main point is that sometimes your lists need to take a back seat and be put on the back-burner. You need to take time to breathe - do something that relaxes you. Get a new hobby and spend a little bit of time (or a lot if you put the 'pro' in procrastination) every now and then, as frequently as possible, giving yourself a much needed break!
2. Stop focussing on the past
This is very easily said but very difficult to do. Whilst is can be nice to reminisce, focusing on what has already happened can lead to missing what is happening in the present. I often overthink what has happened previously and this just adds to me being anxious. I need to learn to take every experience and opportunity for what it is and not bring any luggage of failure or fear. If we all approached different work opportunities, social experiences and people this way, would we have more confidence? Would we be more willing to step out of our comfort zone? Would we be more likely to realise our potential?
3. Just keep swimming
I am 90% sure that I have quoted Finding Nemo in a previous post, and I am 100% sure I will quote the movie again in the future (#sorrynotsorry). The whole concept behind Dory's ridiculously catchy song is relevant to anyone. Whatever life throws at you, whether it is something you've been waiting to happen for years or something that just flat out sucks, you have to keep going. Life is meant to be lived and even when you feel like you are crumbling under the pressures of school or work, or whether you could just really use a duvet day and spend it watching day-time TV, there is still beauty and hope in the life you live ...
4. Search for beauty and hope
I can pretty much guarantee that there will be moments in 2016 that won't exactly be fun for you. But, there will still be plenty of beautiful things about your life that you can look to and be thankful for. Maybe a life-long friendship will take it's course and fizzle out, but you will have other relationships with other friends and your family that you can look to. These relationships might even benefit and develop into something even more beautiful. Also look for the hope in your life. There will be things that you can be hopeful for. What are you hopeful for?
5. Focus on other people
Another easily said, harder to do one. When you're finding it tough, know someone else is finding it tough too. Maybe your 'toughness' won't be the same, but if you put your focus on someone else who is hurting, it may help. Do this even if you aren't finding anything tough - if someone else is, you can help them. Make sure you also take the time to develop the relationships in your life. Don't choose to only interact with people via social media - crazily enough, you can speak to someone face-to-face without one of you bursting into a ball of flames! Choose grabbing a long-overdue coffee (or caramel hot chocolate for us non-hipster people) with someone you haven't seen in a while over binge watching Netflix. Or, have that coffee while watching Netflix with that friend! Just spend this year with other people. Make memories and encourage one another.
6. Prioritise right
As I have said, life is busy. But if we can learn to put what is important first and not put greater emphasis on far less meaningful things, life would be a lot smoother. I know that if I spend less time stressing about work than I spend actually getting it done (fellow procrastinators will understand me) my life would be far easier! That's a basic example, and probably one that relates to all of us. My main focus for this year ahead is to get the big priorities right. 1. God 2. Family and friends 3. Work. I know people reading this may not believe in what I do but I know that I need to put God first in my life. There are so many things that I waste time worrying about that could have not even developed into an issue if I had prayed or read my Bible. So, this is something that I am approaching differently going into 2016. As for family and work, I understand I have to work, and so does my family, but it's when work life takes precedence over spending time as a family that we have issues! In 2016, I have to make sure that my priorities are in the correct order! I don't want to look back in a year from now and realise that all my issues and struggles were a result of my priorities not being in the right order .... because that would be my fault, and I would rather blame someone else .... just kidding!
Despite nerves and anxieties growing each day over many different things, I look forward to seeing what 2016 holds, and what we all do with it. As corny as it sounds we only have one time to make 2016 count. So approach it the right way and actually make it count!
Thursday, 5 November 2015
Stop Worrying About What Others Think
There is always going to one person that disagrees with you or what you are doing. Let's just put that out there straight away!
We go through life doing whatever it is that we do. For me, I teach (no clever comments about how all I do is finger-paint or "those who can't do teach"), I am involved with my church, I love ice-hockey and country music just to rattle off a few things. From these, there are a multitude of things that people disagree with. For example; my sister probably couldn't care less about ice-hockey, my brother is one of those people who is convinced that teaching is a 9 - 3 job ..... and all you do is finger-paint, a lot of people will choose to dislike my choice in music because the 'country twang' makes them cringe and the biggie, many have criticised me for my faith.
I'm sure you have heard this before - but stop worrying about what others think! If I let other opinions bother me, and at times they do - trust me, then I wouldn't 'be me' anymore (cliche!!!). Honestly, all I have to do is hear a deep southern voice or listen to a hockey game to hear the puck sliding across the ice and I feel relaxed. I understand others may not feel the same way, but that doesn't mean it makes it any less relaxing for me. It doesn't mean I have to change what I enjoy to suit them and make them feel satisfied.
My faith, is just that. It's mine. Yes, I believe what I believe and if you want to question me about it then go right ahead - I won't hold back and I'd love to share. But at the same time, I hate the perception that all Christians are indoctrinating people. We're not. At least we really shouldn't be! I share my faith where I can, but I recognise that it may not be something that others agree with, and I accept that.
So same for you! Choose to enjoy what you enjoy and what matters to you. If you are constantly looking for the seal of approval from those that surround you I guarantee you will be left disappointed. Don't let their opinions sway who you are - stand firm in what you believe. We are all different, and isn't that what is so great! We also have our own beliefs and opinions. They may not be shared beliefs and opinions, but we all need to respect that about one another, and show a little more love and kindness. Just because we stop worrying about other opinions doesn't mean we disrespect the people with the opinions!
I honestly believe that life can be lived to the fullest when we start living and seeking out life, as opposed to worrying about the negative things that others think of us. I challenge you to do the same and to challenge your friends to do the same with you! :)
(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!)
We go through life doing whatever it is that we do. For me, I teach (no clever comments about how all I do is finger-paint or "those who can't do teach"), I am involved with my church, I love ice-hockey and country music just to rattle off a few things. From these, there are a multitude of things that people disagree with. For example; my sister probably couldn't care less about ice-hockey, my brother is one of those people who is convinced that teaching is a 9 - 3 job ..... and all you do is finger-paint, a lot of people will choose to dislike my choice in music because the 'country twang' makes them cringe and the biggie, many have criticised me for my faith.
I'm sure you have heard this before - but stop worrying about what others think! If I let other opinions bother me, and at times they do - trust me, then I wouldn't 'be me' anymore (cliche!!!). Honestly, all I have to do is hear a deep southern voice or listen to a hockey game to hear the puck sliding across the ice and I feel relaxed. I understand others may not feel the same way, but that doesn't mean it makes it any less relaxing for me. It doesn't mean I have to change what I enjoy to suit them and make them feel satisfied.
My faith, is just that. It's mine. Yes, I believe what I believe and if you want to question me about it then go right ahead - I won't hold back and I'd love to share. But at the same time, I hate the perception that all Christians are indoctrinating people. We're not. At least we really shouldn't be! I share my faith where I can, but I recognise that it may not be something that others agree with, and I accept that.
So same for you! Choose to enjoy what you enjoy and what matters to you. If you are constantly looking for the seal of approval from those that surround you I guarantee you will be left disappointed. Don't let their opinions sway who you are - stand firm in what you believe. We are all different, and isn't that what is so great! We also have our own beliefs and opinions. They may not be shared beliefs and opinions, but we all need to respect that about one another, and show a little more love and kindness. Just because we stop worrying about other opinions doesn't mean we disrespect the people with the opinions!
I honestly believe that life can be lived to the fullest when we start living and seeking out life, as opposed to worrying about the negative things that others think of us. I challenge you to do the same and to challenge your friends to do the same with you! :)
(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!)
Tuesday, 22 September 2015
One Year On
There are many cliches that go along with death. One that I have heard a lot is "time heals". Firstly, it doesn't heal. Think about it, you lose someone you love and yep, wait a year and you'll be hunky dory! Hate to break it to you but it just doesn't happen like that. Yes, there are advantages to time passing. With time comes distance. Distance from the event. Distance that helps blur it all a little bit (for lack of a better phrase) and give you a chance to find a new normal. That's another one - "things will never be normal again". This one used to make me laugh - seriously, is that not a given? 'Normal' changes and adapts as you and your circumstances do and the event kind of becomes a part of you and your life.
It is the now the sixth anniversary of losing my dad. So crazy that we are already at six years! In the past six years, life has carried on (ooh, another cliche ;) - although very true). My family and I have adapted to our new normal by plodding on with our lives. It has not been easy. There have been many tears and fights, but a lot of laughs too. We have fought to stay strong when all we wanted to do was crumble (and still crumble). We have pushed each other away and held onto each other when no one else has been there.
I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I have felt really let down by the people around me. People I thought could and should have been there for us instead of (literally at times) crossing the street to avoid us, forgetting the anniversaries or birthdays, or walking straight passed us without so much as a hello, all because they thought a picture on the wall was enough, or having family as leaders in our church meant we had someone looking after us. It was even said that they weren't there because they thought others had it covered.
If there is one thing that I need to take away from all of this, and should share (and in the words of Hunter Hayes), it's that you can't love too much. If you know, or even suspect that someone is hurting, don't just assume that someone else will be there for them. Go out of your own way to do something to help.
Another year on and being let down still hurts. Losing my dad still hurts. But I am learning to be grateful for the time I had with him. The obnoxiously loud laugh he had and his cheesy grin. There were ups and downs, but he was my dad and I miss him. I have hit milestones that I wish he could have been here to see and be a part of. But with time also comes new experiences and I could have chosen to not carry on with life so that he wouldn't miss out on them. But then I wouldn't be living. I want to experience what life has to offer, even if that means that it's hard at times.
I encourage you, if you have ever gone through a similar experience to do the same - experience life. Maybe you won't feel like doing it right away. Maybe it will take a few years. That's okay! But eventually, you'll get there. Remember, don't be afraid to ask for help or even for a friend to just grab a coffee with you. You'll be surprised how good it feels to smile and laugh for five minutes! And eat cake and ice-cream!!
So, one year on, the purpose behind this blog remains the same. I want to share my experiences in the hopes of helping and encouraging others. Despite being written a year ago, the following words still ring true - whatever you are going through or have been through, or even will go through, there is life out there - you just have to go out there and find it!
(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!)
It is the now the sixth anniversary of losing my dad. So crazy that we are already at six years! In the past six years, life has carried on (ooh, another cliche ;) - although very true). My family and I have adapted to our new normal by plodding on with our lives. It has not been easy. There have been many tears and fights, but a lot of laughs too. We have fought to stay strong when all we wanted to do was crumble (and still crumble). We have pushed each other away and held onto each other when no one else has been there.
I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I have felt really let down by the people around me. People I thought could and should have been there for us instead of (literally at times) crossing the street to avoid us, forgetting the anniversaries or birthdays, or walking straight passed us without so much as a hello, all because they thought a picture on the wall was enough, or having family as leaders in our church meant we had someone looking after us. It was even said that they weren't there because they thought others had it covered.
If there is one thing that I need to take away from all of this, and should share (and in the words of Hunter Hayes), it's that you can't love too much. If you know, or even suspect that someone is hurting, don't just assume that someone else will be there for them. Go out of your own way to do something to help.
Another year on and being let down still hurts. Losing my dad still hurts. But I am learning to be grateful for the time I had with him. The obnoxiously loud laugh he had and his cheesy grin. There were ups and downs, but he was my dad and I miss him. I have hit milestones that I wish he could have been here to see and be a part of. But with time also comes new experiences and I could have chosen to not carry on with life so that he wouldn't miss out on them. But then I wouldn't be living. I want to experience what life has to offer, even if that means that it's hard at times.
I encourage you, if you have ever gone through a similar experience to do the same - experience life. Maybe you won't feel like doing it right away. Maybe it will take a few years. That's okay! But eventually, you'll get there. Remember, don't be afraid to ask for help or even for a friend to just grab a coffee with you. You'll be surprised how good it feels to smile and laugh for five minutes! And eat cake and ice-cream!!
So, one year on, the purpose behind this blog remains the same. I want to share my experiences in the hopes of helping and encouraging others. Despite being written a year ago, the following words still ring true - whatever you are going through or have been through, or even will go through, there is life out there - you just have to go out there and find it!
(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!)
Monday, 17 August 2015
Chapter By Chapter
I'm sure you have heard it said that your life is like a book, and you are writing your own story a chapter at a time. I'm sure you've also heard it said, or at least read if you've read some of my previous posts (I'm really hoping there are other people reading this ...), that I'm not completely convinced that I am doing what I'm meant to be doing - but really who is, right?
In Philippians 4:11, a verse that has quickly become one of my favourites, Paul speaks of how he has learnt to be content with wherever he is in life (and he didn't exactly live a life of luxury) - something we should do also. I admit it's often tough to feel happy when feeling out of place and feeling unsupported in what you really want to do. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you too have friends - family even - that discourage your ambitions and dreams. Maybe your story at the moment is just a chapter in your life. But in some way, doesn't that offer a little comfort? That one day, this chapter will end and a new one will begin?
I'm sure authors agonise over some of their chapters whilst they find others an absolute breeze to write. Similarly, readers probably fly through some chapters yet find others boring to read. And in this way, our lives really are like books. Some chapters are really easy to get through. They are gripping and exciting, filled with new experiences. However, there are also some chapters that simply aren't the same. They may seem endless and difficult, and they may suck. But remember, just like in a book, chapters end.
Wherever we are in our lives, there is always something else about to happen - whether it be good or bad. But I believe that there is a reason behind everything we go through, even if it is not evident at the time. We get through life like we get through a book - chapter by chapter.
thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com
In Philippians 4:11, a verse that has quickly become one of my favourites, Paul speaks of how he has learnt to be content with wherever he is in life (and he didn't exactly live a life of luxury) - something we should do also. I admit it's often tough to feel happy when feeling out of place and feeling unsupported in what you really want to do. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you too have friends - family even - that discourage your ambitions and dreams. Maybe your story at the moment is just a chapter in your life. But in some way, doesn't that offer a little comfort? That one day, this chapter will end and a new one will begin?
I'm sure authors agonise over some of their chapters whilst they find others an absolute breeze to write. Similarly, readers probably fly through some chapters yet find others boring to read. And in this way, our lives really are like books. Some chapters are really easy to get through. They are gripping and exciting, filled with new experiences. However, there are also some chapters that simply aren't the same. They may seem endless and difficult, and they may suck. But remember, just like in a book, chapters end.
Wherever we are in our lives, there is always something else about to happen - whether it be good or bad. But I believe that there is a reason behind everything we go through, even if it is not evident at the time. We get through life like we get through a book - chapter by chapter.
thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com
Sunday, 26 July 2015
4 Things We All Have In Common
There are many things that I would like to do with my life. Many different professions that I would like to be a part of. Many opportunities I would like to take. Many places I would like to go. Sometimes, I feel that I am failing myself by not doing something else. But ultimately, I guess, whatever I do, I want to do good and be a part of something good. I want to make a difference.
When I left primary school at 11 years old, there was a leavers' service to celebrate my friends and I ending one chapter in our lives and beginning another - the start of secondary school where we would, once again, be at the bottom of the food chain (unless you had really cool friends a few years above, and I was never that popular). Honestly, I couldn't tell you what words of encouragement were spoken in the hopes of inspiring us - all I remember is being given a parker pen, which, believe it or not, was really exciting back then! But this week, I was invited to a friends leavers' service and got to hear their motivational speech, and I couldn't help but think that it was something that everyone should hear, or perhaps just be reminded of.
There are four things that we all have. These four things are the backbone of what we need to make a difference. Firstly, we have eyes, to see the world around us. To see the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Secondly, we have a heart to feel what we are seeing. We may see pure happiness but we need a heart in order to feel it and to feel the good that can come from it. Instead of happiness, it may be sheer pain and heartbreak that we witness. It will be our heart that stirs up a movement and encourages us to seek change. Thirdly, we have a brain to figure out what we can do. At times it may feel like we are an ant in a world of giants. But there is always something, no matter how small, that can be done! Finally, we have hands and feet to actually go about making change. Each and every one of us, individuals or groups have the means and power to make change happen!
I agree that it may seem that world leaders, politicians, celebrities and athletes are capable of greater change. But are they?? They have press and cameras and a tonne of money (which, lets face it, could be spent in places and given to people that really need it - but that is a whole other topic/rant) but I wonder, if we all truly believed that we were capable of change, how different would this world look? Not even necessarily the world, but our schools, our homes, our workplaces. We can make change possible in little or large measures. But change is change. And it is possible. No matter what we have or what we are going through, we can use that to inspire change. I may have gone through losing a parent to cancer, but through that experience, I found a voice that I didn't know I had. One that I could use to share my story and hopefully help someone else feel like they are not alone. And that can be the same for anyone. For you. You can use whatever you are going through or have been through to inspire change.
There are countless quotes I could write here about being the difference you want to see in the world (see what I did there?) but it is true. If you wish to see something change, you have to be willing to change it. And you have what you need to make a change happen and to make a difference in this world!
Change. It may be a six letter word, but it can be incredibly powerful. You can be incredibly powerful!
thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com
When I left primary school at 11 years old, there was a leavers' service to celebrate my friends and I ending one chapter in our lives and beginning another - the start of secondary school where we would, once again, be at the bottom of the food chain (unless you had really cool friends a few years above, and I was never that popular). Honestly, I couldn't tell you what words of encouragement were spoken in the hopes of inspiring us - all I remember is being given a parker pen, which, believe it or not, was really exciting back then! But this week, I was invited to a friends leavers' service and got to hear their motivational speech, and I couldn't help but think that it was something that everyone should hear, or perhaps just be reminded of.
There are four things that we all have. These four things are the backbone of what we need to make a difference. Firstly, we have eyes, to see the world around us. To see the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Secondly, we have a heart to feel what we are seeing. We may see pure happiness but we need a heart in order to feel it and to feel the good that can come from it. Instead of happiness, it may be sheer pain and heartbreak that we witness. It will be our heart that stirs up a movement and encourages us to seek change. Thirdly, we have a brain to figure out what we can do. At times it may feel like we are an ant in a world of giants. But there is always something, no matter how small, that can be done! Finally, we have hands and feet to actually go about making change. Each and every one of us, individuals or groups have the means and power to make change happen!
I agree that it may seem that world leaders, politicians, celebrities and athletes are capable of greater change. But are they?? They have press and cameras and a tonne of money (which, lets face it, could be spent in places and given to people that really need it - but that is a whole other topic/rant) but I wonder, if we all truly believed that we were capable of change, how different would this world look? Not even necessarily the world, but our schools, our homes, our workplaces. We can make change possible in little or large measures. But change is change. And it is possible. No matter what we have or what we are going through, we can use that to inspire change. I may have gone through losing a parent to cancer, but through that experience, I found a voice that I didn't know I had. One that I could use to share my story and hopefully help someone else feel like they are not alone. And that can be the same for anyone. For you. You can use whatever you are going through or have been through to inspire change.
There are countless quotes I could write here about being the difference you want to see in the world (see what I did there?) but it is true. If you wish to see something change, you have to be willing to change it. And you have what you need to make a change happen and to make a difference in this world!
Change. It may be a six letter word, but it can be incredibly powerful. You can be incredibly powerful!
thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com
Sunday, 21 June 2015
Struggles in Celebrations
So, clearly the first post in a while. Needless to say that life got a bit busy - and it doesn't seem like it will be letting up anytime soon - although now it's summer and time to relax amongst being busy (if that even makes sense)!
The last couple of months have been filled with milestones. I turned 21, applied and interviewed for my first job and this week brought the end of 3 years of slaving for my degree - Hallelujah! Not going to lie, I'm very happy to have finished university! However, it was, along with getting my first job and turning 21, far more emotional than I had planned or anticipated. Each were a reminder that my dad wasn't around to celebrate with - which sucked. No other way around it. It just quite frankly sucked! I saw many of my friends celebrate with both parents, and also saw others celebrate with just one, or even by themselves. But ultimately, my dad was one of the first people that I wanted to celebrate with. For all his faults, I know how excited he would've been that I got my first job and will be graduating university with a degree. I can imagine his smile, laugh and his tears (hopefully of happiness - but also sadness because I won't be graduating with a 100% mark ;) ) that he would have had on his face when telling him.
Maybe this year will be more of a reminder of him not being here because of what is happening, and each milestone that passes feels amazing and also like being crushed by a tonne of bricks, but all of it helps. And that's what needs to be remembered. With each moment of success and failure that dredges up old memories and feelings, as well as developing new ones, helps to heal wounds a little bit more. Maybe slowly, but surely. That cliche that says 'time heals', whilst I wouldn't necessarily say it is completely true because I don't think time can ever heal losing a parent, I can see how it has helped to bring some peace, acceptance and even some hope.
That being said, time also brings new pain. Today, being Father's Day has never really got to me before. But for some reason, it really hurt today. Perhaps because of this week finding out my results and knowing how proud my dad would've been. But whatever I go through, I have to remind myself (or at least let someone else remind me, because, let's face it, I am quite stubborn) that it's all part of the process. It helps the grief, which I have come to learn is an ongoing process and doesn't happen overnight. Being strong doesn't mean never crying. It doesn't mean never needing to talk about your feelings. It means owning how you're feeling and knowing that it's okay to struggle even in times of happiness and celebration.
Saturday, 21 February 2015
Life is a Roller Coaster of Emotion
This week has been
emotional to say the least. And by saying this, it doesn't mean I spent the
week sobbing. It was a mixture of emotions - both happy and sad, often all
happening at once!
One of the big issues this
week was that I was able to resolve a lot of issues relating to my dad .... It
was not easy; it was awkward and a little painful to rehash everything I had
felt over the past 5 years. But, it was needed. Boy, was it needed! For some
reason (I can honestly say hand on heart that I don't know why it had become
such an issue for me) I had grown to resent certain people for not being around
when I felt they should've been. There was a great deal of bitterness, anger
and disappointment that I had been, and was still feeling. However, I had been
wondering for a long time what I could do to get over it. I had thought about
just leaving it alone and letting it all fizzle out. But that never really
get's anyone anywhere, does it? So, the only option I could see was to confront
the issue and speak to these people. Believe me, I was terrified. I knew I had
a point, but I was still incredibly nervous as to what their reaction would be
and what they would come back to me with.
Anyway .... after about 4
and a half months, I finally managed to organise a time to meet and discuss
some of the issues and questions I had with them. Thankfully, although I didn't
see it at the time, I only had about 6 hours to stew and stress about what I
was going to say and hear. This seriously was a blessing in disguise, because
if I had had more time, say a day or the weekend, I would have been so stressed
and worked up about it that I probably would have just cancelled. I know I was
the one who had asked for the meeting, but the closer it got, the more
terrified I was. Thankfully, again, an amazing friend of mine (you know who you
are!!) encouraged me to keep the meeting and to not back out. She knew how much
it meant to me and how important it was that I went through with it.
Cutting a long conversation
short, a lot of questions were answered. So much was discussed and I left
feeling a lot more comfortable with the whole situation, even if there will
still be some unwanted feelings simmering away for a little while. However, it
was nice to just sit and listen to these people and hear some stories that they
remembered about my dad. They got to see a different side to him and it was
good to be reminded of this.
My point here is that I had
to deal with the lemons life handed to me, and I honestly have no clue if I
have made lemonade with them or not. But, what I do know is this . . . if I had
just left the whole thing to sort itself out, it would have just eaten me away.
And I couldn't live feeling bitter and angry every time I saw these people
anymore. It wasn't healthy for anyone. So, if there is an issue that you know
is eating you away, it is not worth letting it consume you. You need to deal
with it in a kind way. This doesn't mean you punch someone because they have
done something to you that you don't necessarily like. Believe me, there have
been moments where even I have thought this would help! But the old cliché is
true: violence is never the answer!
Like I have said before,
everything happens for a reason - and sometimes it can be really hard to see
what that reason may be. But you have to persevere and try to overcome any
obstacles you may face. Because there is life out there, and we have to
keep going, no matter how hard it gets. There are people that depend on us,
just like there are people that we depend on. We have to fight to stay in the
game - even if that means facing some awkward situations head on.
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
Sunday, 25 January 2015
Making A Beautiful Comeback
This week, there has been a video floating around on Facebook that I finally got around to watching yesterday.
To summarise, the guy in the video, Josh, lost his dad and some members of his school decided to bully him for missing his father. His story resonated with me. When you lose someone close to you, there is a mountain of emotions that you face. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Loss. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But the pain that you face is torture itself. And for Josh, it didn't end there - the bullies decided to take it further. Cowards maybe, ignorant more likely. They (perhaps) had no idea what Josh had been through so could never understand what they were doing to him and putting him through.
Despite the pain and hurt Josh must have been feeling, he went on to triumph. And he triumphed beautifully! Just by doing something kind he did something powerful. It may not seem like much on a daily basis, but the act of kindness that Josh used to tell everyone he was still alive and not invisible moved so many in his school - they may have found it strange to begin with, but grew to look forward to it each day!
Take a moment to watch this video and see his story for yourselves - you'll be glad you did!
http://www.faithit.com/this-quiet-kid-sick-being-nobody-watch-what-did-literally-change-everything/
Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
To summarise, the guy in the video, Josh, lost his dad and some members of his school decided to bully him for missing his father. His story resonated with me. When you lose someone close to you, there is a mountain of emotions that you face. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Loss. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But the pain that you face is torture itself. And for Josh, it didn't end there - the bullies decided to take it further. Cowards maybe, ignorant more likely. They (perhaps) had no idea what Josh had been through so could never understand what they were doing to him and putting him through.
Despite the pain and hurt Josh must have been feeling, he went on to triumph. And he triumphed beautifully! Just by doing something kind he did something powerful. It may not seem like much on a daily basis, but the act of kindness that Josh used to tell everyone he was still alive and not invisible moved so many in his school - they may have found it strange to begin with, but grew to look forward to it each day!
Take a moment to watch this video and see his story for yourselves - you'll be glad you did!
http://www.faithit.com/this-quiet-kid-sick-being-nobody-watch-what-did-literally-change-everything/
Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
Saturday, 10 January 2015
Happy New Year (And All That Jazz)
So ... It is now 2015! 10 days in ... Do you feel like a whole new person yet??
With another year comes the inevitable 'New Years resolutions'. And aren't they always incredibly unrealistic! How often do we try and convince ourselves that "this is the year" - to lose the extra pound or two and get in shape, eat healthy, find a new hobby or quit our jobs and just start backpacking around the world. In all fairness, sometimes these resolutions stick. But, the majority of the time they just seem to fall short before the end of January (and this is even perhaps too optimistic). We have all made resolutions, myself included, and resolutions will continue to be made by many in the hopes of encouraging and enforcing change.
However, like I said, they rarely stick. Personally, I feel that just because the year has changed, it is still just another day that we wake up to. The transition between the 31st December and the 1st January holds no magical, mystical explanation. Seriously, it is just like every other day, where the day turns into night, and the night then brings a new day. We put way too many expectations on something that happens 364 times elsewhere in the year. Yet, we don't make resolutions for each of these days. Why? Because these 364 other days are not the beginning of the new year, silly! You can only make resolutions (which are essentially dreams, hopes, goals etc.) when it is the new year, right? WRONG!
We dream. As little children we dream. As we get older, we start setting goals, whether these be for personal reasons or for professional purposes. We do this all the time. We don't need to wait for the 1st January to roll around each year before we allow ourselves to dream and strive for what we want out of our lives. We have every day of every year to do this.
I get it. I understand why we wait until the new year. It makes sense - we think about what we want to accomplish in the coming year. But again, we have all year to do this. Would it not be better, more beneficial for us to have this kind of focus and passion all year round. We don't need to wait to feel that we can accomplish something. We are capable of doing this everyday. Sure - it may not seem like we accomplish much on a day-to-day basis, but we do. Just being able to understand a piece of homework, run that extra mile, not burn dinner is an accomplishment.
It's not that I don't make resolutions - I do - but whenever I do, I just forget about them after a week or two. Plus, they are always about me. And if you are being honest, yours are probably all about you too! Don't we spend too much time focussing on ourselves? If we are going to set resolutions, why don't we make them about other people? That way, maybe they will stand a chance of lasting a little longer than the ones you made for this year have. You will be accountable to someone else other than yourself. Potentially, there could be more pressure and encouragement to fulfil the resolutions. You could make someone happy, instead of feeling like a failure because your resolution was unrealistic and failed all too quickly.
If we all decided to allow ourselves to accomplish things throughout the year instead of waiting for the clock to turn midnight on New Year's Eve; if we all decided to focus more on other people, not just at the beginning of a new year, but throughout the year, think of the good we could do and accomplish . . .
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
I get it. I understand why we wait until the new year. It makes sense - we think about what we want to accomplish in the coming year. But again, we have all year to do this. Would it not be better, more beneficial for us to have this kind of focus and passion all year round. We don't need to wait to feel that we can accomplish something. We are capable of doing this everyday. Sure - it may not seem like we accomplish much on a day-to-day basis, but we do. Just being able to understand a piece of homework, run that extra mile, not burn dinner is an accomplishment.
It's not that I don't make resolutions - I do - but whenever I do, I just forget about them after a week or two. Plus, they are always about me. And if you are being honest, yours are probably all about you too! Don't we spend too much time focussing on ourselves? If we are going to set resolutions, why don't we make them about other people? That way, maybe they will stand a chance of lasting a little longer than the ones you made for this year have. You will be accountable to someone else other than yourself. Potentially, there could be more pressure and encouragement to fulfil the resolutions. You could make someone happy, instead of feeling like a failure because your resolution was unrealistic and failed all too quickly.
If we all decided to allow ourselves to accomplish things throughout the year instead of waiting for the clock to turn midnight on New Year's Eve; if we all decided to focus more on other people, not just at the beginning of a new year, but throughout the year, think of the good we could do and accomplish . . .
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
Sunday, 28 December 2014
Everything Happens For A Reason
There are many times when I catch myself thinking; I wish things would go back to the way they were before.
A lot has happened in my life over the past 5/6 years. Everything with my dad, uni, Africa ....... But I do sometimes think about how things would have turned out if my dad hadn't died. Obviously that would mean that he would still be around. And yes, I do wish he was still here. But I also know how I was feeling in the years that led up to him getting sick and dying. My relationship with him, whilst not completely hostile, was not idealistic either. He spent a lot of time working, and this work ethic, I guess, has rubbed off a bit on me. I like doing well on assignments - don't necessarily like writing them (especially over Christmas ..... Uni, do you hear me?!?!) - but hey, who really does?! Due to working so much, he often just sat down in front of the TV when he got home and I began to resent him for this. He never really took the time to learn all the things a dad should know about me. He never had very deep conversations with me. I rarely spent any one-on-one time with him. Whenever my mum was working for the day, and he was looking after us, I'm pretty sure that he took us to the same places every time. As I grew older, I guess I became more bolshie and stubborn, which meant that we ended up clashing even more. Eventually, all I wanted to do was move as far away from him as possible, and with uni approaching at the time, I was thinking about this option more and more.
I hated the fact that he would become so engrossed with the football game on TV. I hated that he was so concerned about our elbows being on the table even after we had all finished eating. I hated that spilling a glass of water meant you had just committed the most heinous of crimes. The list was continuing to grow and it was growing more and more suffocating.
I know that if he were still here, I probably wouldn't still be at home. I would have more than likely ran off to some far away place to pursue a career that would mean I had to go abroad to work, just so I wouldn't have to face him everyday.
Just because I am relaying the bad aspects of my relationship with my dad does not mean that I couldn't care less that he is gone. Like I have said before, I do wish he were here still, after all he was my dad and I miss him. I wish he could see what I have accomplished so far in my life. I have thought about everything that I have done, and how differently it would have panned out if he were still alive. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yes, what my family and I went through was horrific and terrible. No, I would never wish for anyone else to go through the same thing. And unfortunately, people do go though terrible things that are heartbreaking and devastating. But maybe they happen just to make us stronger. Maybe just to help us understand and help us empathise with others around us. Maybe just to encourage us to see, recognise and appreciate the beauty and the happiness that does exist.
My dad also had a really brilliant side to him. He could be the life and soul of a party. He had the loudest laugh (something my sister seems to have inherited). And this side of him was so joyful and fun to be around. I just wish there were more moments that I got to see this side of him!
Life could be different. And in one sense it can't be. My dad isn't alive anymore, and I can't change that. I can't change what we went through. But it another sense, life will be different. I will make it different. I will and still can do things that will make my life different for the better, not just for me, but for my family, friends and those around me.
This Christmas, my brother bought me a book that was on my 'wish list', Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs (I may have only read the first couple of chapters, but I highly recommend it!). Anyway, one particular paragraph stood out to me in the first chapter. It read as follows:
"Your life, start to finish, is a map. And we are HERE. That's all I know. I don't know where you've been and I don't know where your map will take you. I only know there will be moments when you feel like the map has turned or changed and moments when you realise you've read this map wrong all along. You will crumple it up and throw it down, only to return to it for direction ..."
How true is this?! We don't know where our lives will take us. We have to have faith and trust that they will turn out okay, and we have to accept that life does not turn out as planned! But, we can know for sure that in life, everything happens for a reason - God never gives us more than we can handle (even though it so often feels like he does!). I never thought my family would have to experience cancer so personally, but we did. Whilst there are things in our lives we may want to change, we have to understand that it is not always possible to do so. Sometimes, if you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain!
Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
A lot has happened in my life over the past 5/6 years. Everything with my dad, uni, Africa ....... But I do sometimes think about how things would have turned out if my dad hadn't died. Obviously that would mean that he would still be around. And yes, I do wish he was still here. But I also know how I was feeling in the years that led up to him getting sick and dying. My relationship with him, whilst not completely hostile, was not idealistic either. He spent a lot of time working, and this work ethic, I guess, has rubbed off a bit on me. I like doing well on assignments - don't necessarily like writing them (especially over Christmas ..... Uni, do you hear me?!?!) - but hey, who really does?! Due to working so much, he often just sat down in front of the TV when he got home and I began to resent him for this. He never really took the time to learn all the things a dad should know about me. He never had very deep conversations with me. I rarely spent any one-on-one time with him. Whenever my mum was working for the day, and he was looking after us, I'm pretty sure that he took us to the same places every time. As I grew older, I guess I became more bolshie and stubborn, which meant that we ended up clashing even more. Eventually, all I wanted to do was move as far away from him as possible, and with uni approaching at the time, I was thinking about this option more and more.
I hated the fact that he would become so engrossed with the football game on TV. I hated that he was so concerned about our elbows being on the table even after we had all finished eating. I hated that spilling a glass of water meant you had just committed the most heinous of crimes. The list was continuing to grow and it was growing more and more suffocating.
I know that if he were still here, I probably wouldn't still be at home. I would have more than likely ran off to some far away place to pursue a career that would mean I had to go abroad to work, just so I wouldn't have to face him everyday.
Just because I am relaying the bad aspects of my relationship with my dad does not mean that I couldn't care less that he is gone. Like I have said before, I do wish he were here still, after all he was my dad and I miss him. I wish he could see what I have accomplished so far in my life. I have thought about everything that I have done, and how differently it would have panned out if he were still alive. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yes, what my family and I went through was horrific and terrible. No, I would never wish for anyone else to go through the same thing. And unfortunately, people do go though terrible things that are heartbreaking and devastating. But maybe they happen just to make us stronger. Maybe just to help us understand and help us empathise with others around us. Maybe just to encourage us to see, recognise and appreciate the beauty and the happiness that does exist.
My dad also had a really brilliant side to him. He could be the life and soul of a party. He had the loudest laugh (something my sister seems to have inherited). And this side of him was so joyful and fun to be around. I just wish there were more moments that I got to see this side of him!
Life could be different. And in one sense it can't be. My dad isn't alive anymore, and I can't change that. I can't change what we went through. But it another sense, life will be different. I will make it different. I will and still can do things that will make my life different for the better, not just for me, but for my family, friends and those around me.
This Christmas, my brother bought me a book that was on my 'wish list', Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs (I may have only read the first couple of chapters, but I highly recommend it!). Anyway, one particular paragraph stood out to me in the first chapter. It read as follows:
"Your life, start to finish, is a map. And we are HERE. That's all I know. I don't know where you've been and I don't know where your map will take you. I only know there will be moments when you feel like the map has turned or changed and moments when you realise you've read this map wrong all along. You will crumple it up and throw it down, only to return to it for direction ..."
How true is this?! We don't know where our lives will take us. We have to have faith and trust that they will turn out okay, and we have to accept that life does not turn out as planned! But, we can know for sure that in life, everything happens for a reason - God never gives us more than we can handle (even though it so often feels like he does!). I never thought my family would have to experience cancer so personally, but we did. Whilst there are things in our lives we may want to change, we have to understand that it is not always possible to do so. Sometimes, if you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain!
Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
Saturday, 13 December 2014
Band Aid 30
By now, you have most probably heard Band Aid 30's charity single in support of Ebola. It has had plenty of radio attention (I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have heard it playing), is accompanied by a music video, and has recordings in other languages. The celebrities involved range from Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith, to YouTube stars Zoella and Alfie. Plenty of recognisable faces and voices. You would think that with these celebrities all joining forces to promote raising money for the Ebola crisis, it would be a positive thing, right?! Yet the single, and all that surrounds it, has received some criticism.
Some people have taken issue with the fact that these celebrities make a tonne of money, yet are asking other people to donate. Naturally, I think this is fair. They do make a ridiculous amount of money, so if they combined their earnings this would go a long way in supporting many charities and the work that they do. However, does this mean that the rest of us just sit back and allow them to do the heavy lifting so to speak (clearly, this would not be the most physically strenuous of tasks)? Absolutely not!! We should all be caring for one another and should all take an interest in doing so. All lives are important! We probably have more than we need. We probably live beyond our needs. We probably have the means to contribute to the lives of others. For example, if you buy 3 coffees from Starbucks a week, this money could go towards sponsoring a child through Compassion. That's only 3 (overpriced) coffees!
Additionally, both Adele and Lily Allen have reportedly come out saying that they didn't feel they needed to get involved with the single as they have been charitable behind closed doors. This is also fair. Ultimately, being charitable doesn't need to be a visual act. You don't need to have cameras following you around when giving free food to homeless people. You don't need to publicly declare you are donating to such and such a charity. Giving to charity is a personal decision - one that does not need to be announced or recorded for the world to see. This could actually turn a charitable act into a selfish act, as one would then be doing something in the hope of drawing favourable attention to themselves.
On the other hand, however, taking part in the latest social media movement or telling a friend you are donating to your favourite charity is not always a terrible idea. Take the ice bucket challenge for example, or even the no make-up selfie. Both cooked up a storm on social media (perhaps the ice bucket challenge did to a greater extent), but both encouraged exposure to their respective charities, and all the other charities that individuals decided to donate to. As long as people were actually donating, should we take issue with people doing such things? It could be argued that it takes the attention away from the charity it is intending to support. But it can also be argued that it gives the charity the attention it deserves.
When we look at all the celebrities involved with Band Aid 30, immediately we look for those we recognise. If we recognise them, watch their videos or listen to their music, we are more likely to listen to them when they talk about charity. We are more likely to follow their lead. Perhaps celebrities shouldn't have such a influence or an impact on the rest of us, but they do, and in particular with the younger generations. If they say "jump", kids say "how high" - take One Direction (who also participated in this single). So instead of taking issue with the fact that celebrities are asking the rest of us to donate to whatever charity, we should be thankful they are encouraging those willing to donate. We have to trust that they too are donating, but like us, maybe they just don't want to announce they have donating because there is bound to be someone who will take issue with them doing that!
As Christmas looms, and we all begin to get into the Christmas spirit with tinsel, festive music playing in the background and waaaaay too much food, we should think of those less fortunate than ourselves. If we are in a position to help, let's help! Even if this means the cliche example of helping that old lady to cross the road. It doesn't have to be something big. It just means you doing what you can with what you have.
Christmas is a time of giving. So let's give.
Here is the video (just in case you haven't seen it yet).
Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
Sunday, 30 November 2014
Oh Tanzania!
This time last year I was in Tanzania. As part of my degree, we had the opportunity to experience teaching in an alternate setting, so obviously I had to choose one of the more expensive options and go to Africa. It was all totally and completely worth it!
Obviously, the chance to go abroad to teach was very popular, so we had to apply for a place. The stress levels in doing this! When we eventually found out that we had been chosen for a place for the trip, we only had around 5 weeks until we actually flew out. Anyone who has planned a trip abroad has mostly likely done so with more than 5 weeks preparation and would probably agree that this is a ridiculous amount of time to plan a trip to Africa for a week, let alone a month. However, we managed it - I honestly don't know how, I think we were running around like headless chickens during this period - but we managed it! We had all our vaccinations, bought our malaria tablets, got all the mosquito nets and sleeping bags that we needed, bought a load of appropriate clothing for the Tanzanian weather (not an easy task when it was winter!) and gathered a tonne of resources that we would need for our lessons. Overall, it was really stressful!
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| At our welcoming party (naturally I found the NHL hoody!) |
Despite the rush of getting ready for this trip, the entire time in Africa was amazing! We stayed at an orphanage that was connected to a church and the school at which we taught. Mama and Pastor and everyone else at the orphanage were incredibly welcoming, which made it really easy to get used to our new surroundings! The whole toilet/shower situation was one aspect that may have taken longer to get used to! We definitely take running water and flushing toilets for granted - I figured this out when we got overly excited and started crying after finding a flushing toilet (okay, maybe that was just me!).
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| Rain coats definitely came in handy! |
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| Busting a move . . . |
All the children at the orphanage were always so happy and excited to see us! We spent a lot of time playing with them outside - which mostly consisted of them stealing our phones and cameras to take hundreds of selfies!! They also taught us to dance (move over Beyonce!) - which came in handy when a few of us joined in with the dancing in the church service. Their church was very lively and praised like they had no distractions. They took great pride in their beliefs and didn't care that we were there, they just encouraged and welcomed us to join in!
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| Our attempt at cooking bites! |
The food we ate consisted of bread, rice and spaghetti. We had these three things every day!! (Having lasagne as my first meal when I arrived back in England wasn't the smartest of ideas!) We also had chapatis quite often - just because we kept asking for them. They are delicious. We were taught how to cook them along with bites, which are very similar in taste to doughnuts - just a little drier. In exchange, we introduced our new friends to garlic butter, which went down pretty well!
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| Goofing around with Standard 3. |
The teaching itself was intense. Out of the four weeks we spent in Tanzania, two were spent teaching. We ended up being left with the entire school, over 100 pupils between six of us. Whilst I found this incredibly daunting initially, I feel it greatly benefitted my practice and ability to be versatile in my teaching and lessons! Although, when it came to the Kiswahili lessons (their equivalent on English lessons) I just either ended up letting them teach me Swahili, or using the time finish off the learning from another lesson.
Planning and teaching lessons in Tanzania is completely different to planning and teaching in England. In Tanzania, we managed to buy some teacher planning books, where only 1 page is allocated for each lesson. Many teachers may feel that this is not an adequate amount of space for each lesson, but it was pure bliss! There was so much less pressure to plan the 'perfect' lesson. But that didn't mean our lessons weren't great (even if i do say so myself)! Honestly, I would spend probably no more than 15 minutes maximum on thinking, planning and writing out a lesson, and I would feel comfortable teaching any of these in primary schools in England. In comparison to planning now, I spend probably a couple of hours on each lesson! I get really pedantic about the whole thing, especially if it is for an observation lesson, which just piles on a whole extra amount of pressure! We get told at uni that the time we spend planning will decrease as we grow in experience and get used to having our own class. I really really really hope it does!
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| Ba-na-na, Ba-na-na-na! |
In addition to the teaching, we were able to travel around and do some amazing things! We went to the local markets and saw an abundance of bananas (literally - I have never seen soooo many!!), and we bought some beautiful fabric that was turned into skirts, trousers and bags for us!!
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| The beautiful Martha! |
Also, where we were in Tanzania meant we could see Mount Kilimanjaro - so one of the amazing girls that we met (Martha) woke us up at 6am to see it. Soo incredible! I wish we had more time so that we could have climbed Kili, even if only for an hour! ;)
We debated whether to plan a trip to Zanzibar for the final weekend, or whether to go on safari. Going on safari won, so we decided to go to a hotel for the final week!
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| At the Honey Badger Lodge! |
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| Zebra crossing ;) |
We visited Lake Manyara and Tarangire National Park. Both were spectacular! At Lake Manyara, we had elephants walking in an arm's reach of the safari truck - which was beyond awesome! We saw so many incredible animals from elephants to giraffes, water-hogs to antelopes, a lion to baboons. Sure you can see some of them in your local zoo, but seeing them in their natural habitat is way better! And being on a safari truck is an experience in itself - I lost count of the amount of bruises I got and the amount of times I hit my head! :)
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| Real-life Jungle Book! |
One of the nights on safari was spent camping in Tarangire National Park. Was not as bad as it sounds. The tents were really big and we had flushing toilets and showers!!! However, we did have members of the Maasai tribe guarding us throughout the night just incase any wild animal decided to get close to the camp! The Maasai tribe also welcomed us to the camp with their traditional chanting and jumping - when it is dark and they jump and scream in your face, it is both funny and terrifying!
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| Members of the Maasai tribe. |
After our safari trip, we spent the day in Moshi, where some serious souvenir shopping was done!! I possibly spent a ridiculous amount of money of souvenirs, but in my defence, they were not all for me. They were presents and gifts for friends and family! Nevertheless - my suitcase, whilst lighter from the lack of resources, was a little full when flying back to England!
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| Amazingly, this all survived the journey home! |
Just thinking about the whole trip now, I am so grateful that it happened! There were plenty of times where I was homesick, particularly when FaceTime decided to work intermittently. But I know that it was a once in a lifetime trip! That being said - I am desperate to and am sure I will go back to Africa, not just to Tanzania, but also to a load of the other African countries! It is such a beautiful place and all the people we met were so happy and grateful themselves! They may not have all that we take for granted and get distracted by, but they were content in the lives that they lived.
We have so much choice, that even choosing a brand of hot chocolate takes serious thought and consideration. This trip showed me that you do not need all the latest gadgets and gizmos to be happy. I know, it's easy to say this when they are so available and accessible to us! But when did we decide that focussing on material wealth was what life was about? The people around us are more valuable than any phone or laptop. The relationships we have, the way we act and treat others holds more importance than any salary we could get!
Tanzania highlighted to me the importance of faith and family. I saw how much pride the church family that welcomed us with open arms had! They were bold in their faith and encouraged us to be the same! They supported their families and friends and made me appreciate all of the people in my life much more.
There are once in a lifetime trips. And then there are once in a lifetime trips that change your life. Tanzania was the latter! Just being able to say I have been to Africa - something I had always wanted to do, but never thought would actually happen - proves that you can do great things, go to foreign and unfamiliar places and meet new people even after going through what I have. There is life out there, and I can still do amazing things with my life, no matter what adversities I may face! There is still so much beauty to be found in life - and if we accept it, we all have the opportunity to find it!
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
Saturday, 15 November 2014
Don't Let Life Slip On By
This song is one of my favourites! :) It has been playing a lot recently.
I have mentioned in previous posts about how I use music to decompress and relax after a long day. Pretty sure most of us do. Just sticking in the headphones allows us to zone out and escape reality for a little while! It can be beautiful - especially when you listen to great music! ;)
Anyway, the lyrics of this particular song stress the importance and necessity of living and not letting life just slip right past you. Part of the second verse goes as follows: "It ain't easy always looking back, but it seems these days that it's all I have. What hurt me the most is knowing what could have been." I feel that I can really relate to this!! I don't want to get older and suddenly look back over life and wish I had done more! I want to live a life I am proud of. "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough?" (Legacy by Natalie Nordeman).
It's easy to get lost in our daily lives. Be it with school, work, family or whatever else, but sometimes we overlook the beauty that is in our lives! For example, I have been pretty swamped with assignments and uni work these past couple of weeks. But, my sister still comes in from school and talks non-stop for a good hour!! And often this frustrates me because I am busy trying to get work done. But by doing this, I miss hearing about what she has learnt at school, the fact she needs to pick her GCSE options and discuss the subjects she could choose (I don't even know how she got this old!), or even who fell of their chair and had the whole class laughing! This song is a reminder that whatever I am doing, I need to make room for what is important in life - my family and friends!
Despite what I have been through, and I guess because of what I have been through, I want to have an impact and leave a legacy. I want my life to be more than just about me - I want it to help and inspire others, which is a main reason why I started this blog. There is life out there, and I don't want to let my life just slip through my fingers and wake up and realise I could have done more - I could have lived more!
Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
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