Sunday 28 December 2014

Everything Happens For A Reason

There are many times when I catch myself thinking; I wish things would go back to the way they were before.

A lot has happened in my life over the past 5/6 years. Everything with my dad, uni, Africa ....... But I do sometimes think about how things would have turned out if my dad hadn't died. Obviously that would mean that he would still be around. And yes, I do wish he was still here. But I also know how I was feeling in the years that led up to him getting sick and dying. My relationship with him, whilst not completely hostile, was not idealistic either. He spent a lot of time working, and this work ethic, I guess, has rubbed off a bit on me. I like doing well on assignments - don't necessarily like writing them (especially over Christmas ..... Uni, do you hear me?!?!) - but hey, who really does?! Due to working so much, he often just sat down in front of the TV when he got home and I began to resent him for this. He never really took the time to learn all the things a dad should know about me. He never had very deep conversations with me. I rarely spent any one-on-one time with him. Whenever my mum was working for the day, and he was looking after us, I'm pretty sure that he took us to the same places every time. As I grew older, I guess I became more bolshie and stubborn, which meant that we ended up clashing even more. Eventually, all I wanted to do was move as far away from him as possible, and with uni approaching at the time, I was thinking about this option more and more.

I hated the fact that he would become so engrossed with the football game on TV. I hated that he was so concerned about our elbows being on the table even after we had all finished eating. I hated that spilling a glass of water meant you had just committed the most heinous of crimes. The list was continuing to grow and it was growing more and more suffocating.

I know that if he were still here, I probably wouldn't still be at home. I would have more than likely ran off to some far away place to pursue a career that would mean I had to go abroad to work, just so I wouldn't have to face him everyday.

Just because I am relaying the bad aspects of my relationship with my dad does not mean that I couldn't care less that he is gone. Like I have said before, I do wish he were here still, after all he was my dad and I miss him. I wish he could see what I have accomplished so far in my life. I have thought about everything that I have done, and how differently it would have panned out if he were still alive. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yes, what my family and I went through was horrific and terrible. No, I would never wish for anyone else to go through the same thing. And unfortunately, people do go though terrible things that are heartbreaking and devastating. But maybe they happen just to make us stronger. Maybe just to help us understand and help us empathise with others around us. Maybe just to encourage us to see, recognise and appreciate the beauty and the happiness that does exist.

My dad also had a really brilliant side to him. He could be the life and soul of a party. He had the loudest laugh (something my sister seems to have inherited). And this side of him was so joyful and fun to be around. I just wish there were more moments that I got to see this side of him!

Life could be different. And in one sense it can't be. My dad isn't alive anymore, and I can't change that. I can't change what we went through. But it another sense, life will be different. I will make it different. I will and still can do things that will make my life different for the better, not just for me, but for my family, friends and those around me.

This Christmas, my brother bought me a book that was on my 'wish list', Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs (I may have only read the first couple of chapters, but I highly recommend it!). Anyway, one particular paragraph stood out to me in the first chapter. It read as follows:

"Your life, start to finish, is a map. And we are HERE. That's all I know. I don't know where you've been and I don't know where your map will take you. I only know there will be moments when you feel like the map has turned or changed and moments when you realise you've read this map wrong all along. You will crumple it up and throw it down, only to return to it for direction ..."

How true is this?! We don't know where our lives will take us. We have to have faith and trust that they will turn out okay, and we have to accept that life does not turn out as planned! But, we can know for sure that in life, everything happens for a reason - God never gives us more than we can handle (even though it so often feels like he does!). I never thought my family would have to experience cancer so personally, but we did. Whilst there are things in our lives we may want to change, we have to understand that it is not always possible to do so. Sometimes, if you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)



Saturday 13 December 2014

Band Aid 30

By now, you have most probably heard Band Aid 30's charity single in support of Ebola. It has had plenty of radio attention (I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have heard it playing), is accompanied by a music video, and has recordings in other languages. The celebrities involved range from Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith, to YouTube stars Zoella and Alfie. Plenty of recognisable faces and voices. You would think that with these celebrities all joining forces to promote raising money for the Ebola crisis, it would be a positive thing, right?! Yet the single, and all that surrounds it, has received some criticism.

Some people have taken issue with the fact that these celebrities make a tonne of money, yet are asking other people to donate. Naturally, I think this is fair. They do make a ridiculous amount of money, so if they combined their earnings this would go a long way in supporting many charities and the work that they do. However, does this mean that the rest of us just sit back and allow them to do the heavy lifting so to speak (clearly, this would not be the most physically strenuous of tasks)? Absolutely not!! We should all be caring for one another and should all take an interest in doing so. All lives are important! We probably have more than we need. We probably live beyond our needs. We probably have the means to contribute to the lives of others. For example, if you buy 3 coffees from Starbucks a week, this money could go towards sponsoring a child through Compassion. That's only 3 (overpriced) coffees! 

Additionally, both Adele and Lily Allen have reportedly come out saying that they didn't feel they needed to get involved with the single as they have been charitable behind closed doors. This is also fair. Ultimately, being charitable doesn't need to be a visual act. You don't need to have cameras following you around when giving free food to homeless people. You don't need to publicly declare you are donating to such and such a charity. Giving to charity is a personal decision - one that does not need to be announced or recorded for the world to see. This could actually turn a charitable act into a selfish act, as one would then be doing something in the hope of drawing favourable attention to themselves. 

On the other hand, however, taking part in the latest social media movement or telling a friend you are donating to your favourite charity is not always a terrible idea. Take the ice bucket challenge for example, or even the no make-up selfie. Both cooked up a storm on social media (perhaps the ice bucket challenge did to a greater extent), but both encouraged exposure to their respective charities, and all the other charities that individuals decided to donate to. As long as people were actually donating, should we take issue with people doing such things? It could be argued that it takes the attention away from the charity it is intending to support. But it can also be argued that it gives the charity the attention it deserves.

When we look at all the celebrities involved with Band Aid 30, immediately we look for those we recognise. If we recognise them, watch their videos or listen to their music, we are more likely to listen to them when they talk about charity. We are more likely to follow their lead. Perhaps celebrities shouldn't have such a influence or an impact on the rest of us, but they do, and in particular with the younger generations. If they say "jump", kids say "how high" - take One Direction (who also participated in this single). So instead of taking issue with the fact that celebrities are asking the rest of us to donate to whatever charity, we should be thankful they are encouraging those willing to donate. We have to trust that they too are donating, but like us, maybe they just don't want to announce they have donating because there is bound to be someone who will take issue with them doing that! 

As Christmas looms, and we all begin to get into the Christmas spirit with tinsel, festive music playing in the background and waaaaay too much food, we should think of those less fortunate than ourselves. If we are in a position to help, let's help! Even if this means the cliche example of helping that old lady to cross the road. It doesn't have to be something big. It just means you doing what you can with what you have. 

Christmas is a time of giving. So let's give.

Here is the video (just in case you haven't seen it yet). 


Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Sunday 30 November 2014

Oh Tanzania!


This time last year I was in Tanzania. As part of my degree, we had the opportunity to experience teaching in an alternate setting, so obviously I had to choose one of the more expensive options and go to Africa. It was all totally and completely worth it!

Obviously, the chance to go abroad to teach was very popular, so we had to apply for a place. The stress levels in doing this! When we eventually found out that we had been chosen for a place for the trip, we only had around 5 weeks until we actually flew out. Anyone who has planned a trip abroad has mostly likely done so with more than 5 weeks preparation and would probably agree that this is a ridiculous amount of time to plan a trip to Africa for a week, let alone a month. However, we managed it - I honestly don't know how, I think we were running around like headless chickens during this period - but we managed it! We had all our vaccinations, bought our malaria tablets, got all the mosquito nets and sleeping bags that we needed, bought a load of appropriate clothing for the Tanzanian weather (not an easy task when it was winter!) and gathered a tonne of resources that we would need for our lessons. Overall, it was really stressful!

At our welcoming party (naturally I found the NHL hoody!)
Despite the rush of getting ready for this trip, the entire time in Africa was amazing! We stayed at an orphanage that was connected to a church and the school at which we taught. Mama and Pastor and everyone else at the orphanage were incredibly welcoming, which made it really easy to get used to our new surroundings! The whole toilet/shower situation was one aspect that may have taken longer to get used to! We definitely take running water and flushing toilets for granted - I figured this out when we got overly excited and started crying after finding a flushing toilet (okay, maybe that was just me!). 

Rain coats definitely came in handy!
When you think about living in Africa, I bet the first thing you think of is the heat, right? Well, it rained A LOT in Tanzania. And every time it did, we lost power! Pretty sure this happened almost every day or so! Eventually you get used to it - that is until you hear a bug buzzing around near where you are sitting and then being in the dark becomes a little too much. Thankfully, the group that went to Tanzania the year before ours suggested we invest in some head torches. We did, and they came in very handy with the amount of power cuts we had!

Busting a move . . .
All the children at the orphanage were always so happy and excited to see us! We spent a lot of time playing with them outside - which mostly consisted of them stealing our phones and cameras to take hundreds of selfies!! They also taught us to dance (move over Beyonce!) - which came in handy when a few of us joined in with the dancing in the church service. Their church was very lively and praised like they had no distractions. They took great pride in their beliefs and didn't care that we were there, they just encouraged and welcomed us to join in! 

Our attempt at cooking bites!


The food we ate consisted of bread, rice and spaghetti. We had these three things every day!! (Having lasagne as my first meal when I arrived back in England wasn't the smartest of ideas!) We also had chapatis quite often - just because we kept asking for them. They are delicious. We were taught how to cook them along with bites, which are very similar in taste to doughnuts - just a little drier. In exchange, we introduced our new friends to garlic butter, which went down pretty well!  




Goofing around with Standard 3.
The teaching itself was intense. Out of the four weeks we spent in Tanzania, two were spent teaching. We ended up being left with the entire school, over 100 pupils between six of us. Whilst I found this incredibly daunting initially, I feel it greatly benefitted my practice and ability to be versatile in my teaching and lessons! Although, when it came to the Kiswahili lessons (their equivalent on English lessons) I just either ended up letting them teach me Swahili, or using the time finish off the learning from another lesson. 

Planning and teaching lessons in Tanzania is completely different to planning and teaching in England. In Tanzania, we managed to buy some teacher planning books, where only 1 page is allocated for each lesson. Many teachers may feel that this is not an adequate amount of space for each lesson, but it was pure bliss! There was so much less pressure to plan the 'perfect' lesson. But that didn't mean our lessons weren't great (even if i do say so myself)! Honestly, I would spend probably no more than 15 minutes maximum on thinking, planning and writing out a lesson, and I would feel comfortable teaching any of these in primary schools in England. In comparison to planning now, I spend probably a couple of hours on each lesson! I get really pedantic about the whole thing, especially if it is for an observation lesson, which just piles on a whole extra amount of pressure! We get told at uni that the time we spend planning will decrease as we grow in experience and get used to having our own class. I really really really hope it does!

Ba-na-na, Ba-na-na-na!
In addition to the teaching, we were able to travel around and do some amazing things! We went to the local markets and saw an abundance of bananas (literally - I have never seen soooo many!!), and we bought some beautiful fabric that was turned into skirts, trousers and bags for us!! 

The beautiful Martha!



Also, where we were in Tanzania meant we could see Mount Kilimanjaro - so one of the amazing girls that we met (Martha) woke us up at 6am to see it. Soo incredible! I wish we had more time so that we could have climbed Kili, even if only for an hour! ;)

We debated whether to plan a trip to Zanzibar for the final weekend, or whether to go on safari. Going on safari won, so we decided to go to a hotel for the final week!

At the Honey Badger Lodge!
Zebra crossing ;)
We visited Lake Manyara and Tarangire National Park. Both were spectacular! At Lake Manyara, we had elephants walking in an arm's reach of the safari truck - which was beyond awesome! We saw so many incredible animals from elephants to giraffes, water-hogs to antelopes, a lion to baboons. Sure you can see some of them in your local zoo, but seeing them in their natural habitat is way better! And being on a safari truck is an experience in itself - I lost count of the amount of bruises I got and the amount of times I hit my head! :)

Real-life Jungle Book!
One of the nights on safari was spent camping in Tarangire National Park. Was not as bad as it sounds. The tents were really big and we had flushing toilets and showers!!! However, we did have members of the Maasai tribe guarding us throughout the night just incase any wild animal decided to get close to the camp! The Maasai tribe also welcomed us to the camp with their traditional chanting and jumping - when it is dark and they jump and scream in your face, it is both funny and terrifying!

Members of the Maasai tribe.
After our safari trip, we spent the day in Moshi, where some serious souvenir shopping was done!! I possibly spent a ridiculous amount of money of souvenirs, but in my defence, they were not all for me. They were presents and gifts for friends and family! Nevertheless - my suitcase, whilst lighter from the lack of resources, was a little full when flying back to England!

Amazingly, this all survived the journey home!
Just thinking about the whole trip now, I am so grateful that it happened! There were plenty of times where I was homesick, particularly when FaceTime decided to work intermittently. But I know that it was a once in a lifetime trip! That being said - I am desperate to and am sure I will go back to Africa, not just to Tanzania, but also to a load of the other African countries! It is such a beautiful place and all the people we met were so happy and grateful themselves! They may not have all that we take for granted and get distracted by, but they were content in the lives that they lived. 


We have so much choice, that even choosing a brand of hot chocolate takes serious thought and consideration. This trip showed me that you do not need all the latest gadgets and gizmos to be happy. I know, it's easy to say this when they are so available and accessible to us! But when did we decide that focussing on material wealth was what life was about? The people around us are more valuable than any phone or laptop. The relationships we have, the way we act and treat others holds more importance than any salary we could get! 

Tanzania highlighted to me the importance of faith and family. I saw how much pride the church family that welcomed us with open arms had! They were bold in their faith and encouraged us to be the same! They supported their families and friends and made me appreciate all of the people in my life much more.

There are once in a lifetime trips. And then there are once in a lifetime trips that change your life. Tanzania was the latter! Just being able to say I have been to Africa - something I had always wanted to do, but never thought would actually happen - proves that you can do great things, go to foreign and unfamiliar places and meet new people even after going through what I have. There is life out there, and I can still do amazing things with my life, no matter what adversities I may face! There is still so much beauty to be found in life - and if we accept it, we all have the opportunity to find it!



Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Saturday 15 November 2014

Don't Let Life Slip On By


This song is one of my favourites! :) It has been playing a lot recently.

I have mentioned in previous posts about how I use music to decompress and relax after a long day. Pretty sure most of us do. Just sticking in the headphones allows us to zone out and escape reality for a little while! It can be beautiful - especially when you listen to great music! ;)

Anyway, the lyrics of this particular song stress the importance and necessity of living and not letting life just slip right past you. Part of the second verse goes as follows: "It ain't easy always looking back, but it seems these days that it's all I have. What hurt me the most is knowing what could have been." I feel that I can really relate to this!! I don't want to get older and suddenly look back over life and wish I had done more! I want to live a life I am proud of. "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough?" (Legacy by Natalie Nordeman).

It's easy to get lost in our daily lives. Be it with school, work, family or whatever else, but sometimes we overlook the beauty that is in our lives! For example, I have been pretty swamped with assignments and uni work these past couple of weeks. But, my sister still comes in from school and talks non-stop for a good hour!! And often this frustrates me because I am busy trying to get work done. But by doing this, I miss hearing about what she has learnt at school, the fact she needs to pick her GCSE options and discuss the subjects she could choose (I don't even know how she got this old!), or even who fell of their chair and had the whole class laughing! This song is a reminder that whatever I am doing, I need to make room for what is important in life - my family and friends!

Despite what I have been through, and I guess because of what I have been through, I want to have an impact and leave a legacy. I want my life to be more than just about me - I want it to help and inspire others, which is a main reason why I started this blog. There is life out there, and I don't want to let my life just slip through my fingers and wake up and realise I could have done more - I could have lived more!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Saturday 8 November 2014

Breakfast at Tiffany's (Or Not)!

Catching up with old friends is always fun - and for me, it usually involves food! Last week for example, I went for breakfast with some good friends of mine, one of which I hadn't seen for a good year!! (This seems crazy!)

A particular breakfast was recommended to me, so obviously I decided to order it. Who knew that pancakes and bacon don't really go that well together?! But besides a slightly weird and odd breakfast, the get-together was sooo lovely! The three of us spent the morning giggling and talking on and on on about what we were currently doing with our lives. When you miss a year, a lot seems to happen!!! Duh!

Obviously, I have gone through the stress of applying to uni and all that entails with that! But my friends are currently at the stage where they are deciding whether to go to uni or not, what to study and what units to apply for. I do not miss this at all! So, it was really exciting to hear that one of my friends got an offer from one of her top universities!! She did good! :)

It's quite surreal thinking about where we are in comparison to where we were. A few years back and I was still in school. Now I am a year away from graduating uni and my friends are currently applying to uni. Not too shabby really. Even if I am not necessarily 100% certain that what I am doing is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, looking back does offer some peace. I can see how far I have come - and it gives me some motivation to keep plodding on! Ultimately, I guess it's about being content with where we are at whatever stage of life we are in (Philippians 4:11).

Eventually our breakfast date had to end. We all had to get home and get on with whatever we needed to get on with but not before we suggested a monthly breakfast get-together - which I hope we stick to (hopefully our schedules will allow it!). Friends are so important to keep close. We depend on them for so much and they become a huge part of our lives. Whenever I get to catch up with friends, it makes me truly grateful that I have them in my life! However, whenever the three of us go for breakfast or food again, there will most likely be no bacon/pancake combos for me!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)


Saturday 1 November 2014

My Worth Won't Come From Any Guy

How many times do we sit watching movies that are all lovey-dovey and happy and wish that we ourselves were the characters?! We want to be that girl who gets noticed by the overly sickeningly handsome guy (Ryan Gosling/Zac Efron/Channing Tatum - the list could go on and on); or be the shy guy who gets the most popular girl. We want to get swept off our feet and be madly in love and all that!

What is wrong with this picture? Are we not enough? Can we only be complete when we are in a relationship?

I'm currently single. And I don't feel like this is a bad thing. But I feel that society puts a certain stigma on those who are single. If you're single then you have probably been told that there must be something wrong with you! How about NO?! How about we just go with the fact that, at least for me, I am currently single because I have yet to meet anyone who I feel I want to get into a relationship with. This doesn't mean that I have something terribly wrong with me (although others may have a different opinion about this - namely my brother and sister!). Perhaps I am just such an amazing catch that no one has fit the bill just yet. Okay, so I'm clearly exaggerating here!! But why do I have to be in a relationship to not have something wrong with me; to be complete?

How does a relationship validate me as a woman, or an individual, or even a human being? When did we begin to believe that being in a relationship is what gives someone value?

It's so sad to think that this is the message that the younger generations are growing up with and hearing. The perception that they are not enough on their own. That their worth will be validated when they have a relationship. If this is what they are getting from us, then it's easy to see why so many young people are fan-girling over celebrities. Surely, the more well-known and liked, the more famous a guy is, the more well-liked they will be. The more they will be worth right? WRONG!

A relationship does nothing to validate you as a person! I'm not saying they are bad things at all!!! Obviously, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. But at the same time - I won't rush into anything because there is the pressure of finding someone and realising my worth. I have worth. I, me, the individual that I am has worth. If I end up being in a relationship, I will still have this same worth! I may feel more valuable because of the guy I'm in the relationship with, but that does not negate any worth I had prior, or even after the relationship! And it's the same for all of us. For you. You are worth a whole lot more than you think even if you are not currently in a relationship. You are an awesome person with something to contribute to society and to the world that we all live in!

I guess my faith has a large part to play in my thinking on this subject. I find my worth in God, that He created me and knew me before I was born. I recognise that not everyone shares this view. But at the end of the day, if God thinks that I am enough as the individual that I am, then that's good enough for me. I can live my life saying, 'Hey look at me - I am awesome and have plenty of worth and value!'. I can do great things with my life whether I am single or in a relationship. My value and worth is not defined by the guy I am or am not in a relationship with!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)


Just Keep Swimming . . .

Do you ever have moments in your life when you feel it's all getting a little bit too much? You know, when someone you love and trust says something that is hurtful and confusing, or when school/uni/work or whatever gets too stressful and busy, or even when everything just feels as though it's all going wrong?

I have plenty of them! We all have moments like this! Maybe not everyday. Maybe everyday. But we all have them at some point.

For example, for the past two years of my university degree, my stress limits have soared! Assignment after confusing assignment always seem to turn me into a ball of worry! But what's the point in worrying and stressing? At the end of all the assignments, pointless directed tasks and repetitive readings I will have a degree (hopefully anyway). Hard work pays off in the end. Putting in the work now will provide me with more opportunities later on. I don't necessarily know whether teaching is the career I want to have for the rest of my life, or if I want to take a completely different career path. But I do know that having my degree will help me along the way. And that puts things into perspective a little bit.

A metaphor that has spoken volumes to me over the years is that of a painting. Looking at a painting  closely means it is difficult to see it as a whole. Stepping further away gives a whole new perspective - it shows the bigger picture. Isn't this the same for life in general? When we are in the thick of a situation, it's hard to understand why we are gong through it, or what the purpose of it may be. But as life carries on ticking by, perhaps more light is shed as to why we were in that situation. It's always easier to look back at an event than it is to go through it. But that's the point of hindsight. You can only understand a situation once you have been through it and come out the other side.

Stress only leads to more stress and often, at least for me, procrastination (a relative of mine once told me that I put the 'pro' in procrastination - it's true!). But that does not benefit us in any way at all! It only makes matters worse!

We all have our own ways of dealing with stress and issues. For me personally, my faith has always been pivotal. My gran used to have a plaque that read: "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don't forget to thank Him for His answers." Jokingly, we used to add on that God would be up all night anyway, but this is something that has stayed with me. I also lean on my family quite a lot. I am always ranting about the latest thing that is bugging me with teaching and my degree, or whatever it is that has irritated me. And, I also spend a large amount of my time watching hockey games! :) All these things helps me gain perspective and relax a little. We all need to find what helps us to decompress.

Whatever you are going through, there is life out there. It may not be obvious in the moment you are going through something painful or difficult, but "just keep swimming". Eventually, you will see the bigger picture and be able to put it down to a learning experience. Difficult situations often make us better people. they make us stronger. Once you get through something, there is so much left to accomplish and achieve.

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Monday 20 October 2014

Finding Joy In The Little Things

As we all know, schools have cliques! We don’t need to be a Wildcat and go to East High to know that! We all want to fit in. But at what cost? 

Trying to fit in with a crowd of people doesn’t allow much opportunity for you to truly be you. Call me crazy, but you can still be yourself - without compromising - and have friends. And perhaps this is the most crazy part, you don’t have to be best friends with people who make you change who you are. Now of course I am not saying here that you have to be arch rivals with those that run in different circles to you. Being civil with one another shows maturity, dignity and self-control. If someone doesn’t like who you are, the way you dress, how you have done your hair – so be it. You do! That’s what matters!

Before I went back to uni this year - I went shopping. I needed a little pick-me-up as I wasn't exactly majorly excited to get back into assignment writing and everything else that comes with uni. So retail therapy was my go-to for some motivation, something my bank account didn't take too kindly to! Anyway, one of the items that I bought was a red rucksack. My mum was listing all the advantages and practical elements of the bag, that it was 'soooo me', how good it looked on me and how I should 'dare to be different'! But I had reservations. The thing is red. Not a fire engine, in your face kind red, but red nevertheless. And whilst my initial thought was, "Hey - I like this bag!", I questioned whether others at uni would. 

Eventually I bought the bag because I liked the bag. I would be the one paying for the bag (again, the bank account was not happy with me on this particular day!). I would be the one wearing and using the bag. So it really didn't matter whether other people didn't like it. I knew my close friends wouldn't think anything of it so I didn't need to worry about all the other people that may or may not like it. 

My points here; firstly, we have to find the joy in even the smallest things. A breakfast catch-up with an old friend, a caramel latte, walking along the seafront or whatever it is that brings a little happiness to your day - even if it is buying that red bag! Unfortunately, life has a lot of darkness and pain to offer - so why don't we just do the things that make us happy (obviously as long as this doesn't turn into us being completely selfish and forgetting to respect, love and appreciate others)!

Secondly, we don't need to surround ourselves with people that constantly question who we are, our dislikes, our beliefs, our values etc. etc. We CAN and SHOULD be ourselves! On Facebook for example, if someone is being rude to you, you can unfriend them or even just block them. It's that simple. You can stop having their input come up in your news feed and their comments on your photos and status updates. 

What about in real life? Don't stick to the status quo! (Yes - I am currently singing this song in my head!) find your true friends and don't worry about the ones that aren't. They're finding themselves too! Let them. And let yourself find who you are! We are individuals; fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)! 

Erin x

Friday 10 October 2014

My Mum is Pretty Cool!



Last week my mum was interviewed on Premier Christian radio. Yep! You did read that right. Yes - I am talking about my mum (oh so sappy!) and yes - she was on the radio.

Not going to lie, I was pretty excited to get to go with her. She let me play the tambourine! Let me just say that my tambourine skills are astonishing and my playing was stellar - I am expecting a grammy to arrive at my house any day now!

Anyway, joking aside, I am very proud of my mum. Life hasn't been too friendly with her. But she never ceases to amaze me with the strength that she has.

When she was younger, or "back in the day" as my brother and I like to say, she was a young girl with a guitar, heavily influenced by Amy Grant much to my brother's dismay. She was one of Amy Grant's biggest fans with a perm to prove her unwavering dedication!! Not only was she a fan of music, but she even began writing her own music and playing a bunch of instruments. We recently counted how many she now plays, which turns out to be around 7.

Skipping ahead a few years, she married and had 3 children - who are quite wonderful might I add - and this resulted in the three of us learning our own instruments and becoming interested in songwriting. Flash forward a few more years and she has recorded a new album. Your Heart Beating (http://www.katieclaguemusic.com). My mum graciously allowed us to be featured on the album in some way, shape or form. My brother played guitar, I played my violin, and my sister took the album photos.

The brother and his mad skills!
When she was asked to play some of her songs live she asked my brother, uncle and I to join her for the interview. Cue 'Family Von Clague'. Obviously my brother played guitar and my uncle played the cajon. Originally, I was just supposed to be tagging along until my mum came across my tambourine skills - but we already went through that! Playing my own music live would probably completely freak me out. But my mum was calm and collected about the whole thing!

You see, she always knew that music was something that God had gifted her with to share with others - and she does this so well! She has always encouraged us with our dreams (at least the realistic ones - I used to come home from my grandparents having watched Spacecamp only to lay my chair flat on the floor pretending that I was an astronaut! Stupid NASA for stopping the space shuttle program! - Clearly not exactly the most realistic). She encourages us to strive for what is best. She inspires me to work hard and give everything I can.

She is brave and courageous. She has had to deal with issues and situations that you wouldn't wish on anyone. But she is here. She is still living. And by carrying on and continuing to write, play and record music to encourage others, she encourages and inspires me!

Erin x

Mother hen and I.

Sunday 5 October 2014

It's Okay Not To Be Okay!

Obviously the last post was pretty heavy and full-on. I just felt that I needed to air out all the details and give some background so that the purpose of this blog would be clear. This one is just a short post to say thank you!! :)

I went five years without expecting and asking for any support because I was so used to dealing with my problems and any issues I had by myself. But this year, I guess as I opened up to more people, more people offered and gave their support. Many people have contacted me and spoken to me about my last post, and it has honestly been quite frightening and exciting! I never expected people to be so open to There is Life Out There and me sharing my story as they have been. It has been really encouraging as I felt that writing this blog would give me the opportunity to further deal with my experiences. So I can whole-heartedly say that I am truly grateful for the feedback I've received from everyone, even though some may have found the subject raw and difficult!

Having gone through what I have, and experiencing many emotions (being a girl I naturally have many anyway - so just times that by a million and there you go!) I'm learning that it's actually okay not to be okay! I'm learning that it's okay to ask for some help sometimes!

When we see others struggling or going through hardships, it's easier to realise that they need some encouragement and support. However, just because it's easier to know when people need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on when they are more vocal about their struggles, it is not an excuse to brush off or ignore them when they aren't as proactive in seeking support from others.

We all fight our own battles, often silently, covered cleverly by a smile. But we are social beings. We crave affection and attention. We all do! So, surely, we can all give it! We can all care and offer our support wherever and whenever possible. because at the end of the day, we will all inevitably go through an experience that challenges us and stretches us to our limits.

So, if we own it, if we take the first step and acknowledge that it's okay not to be okay all of the time, that's a step forward. And a step in the right direction!

Erin x


Monday 22 September 2014

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Hey, my name is Erin! I’m 20 years old and currently studying to be a primary teacher at university. One more year and I will be unleashed on a class of 30 or so little children! I’m not quite sure whom I fear for the most – myself or the children!

Anyway, I know there are sooo many blogs out there already, and writing my own will just be adding another to the mix. But, for a long time I haven’t wanted to share my story. I haven’t wanted to share my experiences and feelings because I hadn’t properly dealt with them. I guess I needed to come to terms with what I had been through to get to the point where I am now. The point where I do feel comfortable sharing. Where I actually want to share my experiences in the hope that it helps someone!

So, here goes! (Just hang on in there - this first post is a little long!) At the age of 15, I lost my dad to cancer. It was a fairly quick process, around 5 months from the time he was diagnosed with a tumour to the time he died, but it felt as if it had been going on forever. My family and I would pray that our dad would die sooner rather than later so that he would no longer be in pain. It wasn’t easy seeing a man who was strong and manly turn into a skeletal figure who couldn’t even do the simple things, like open his eyes or say ‘hello’. However, at least for me, part of every one of those prayers was specifically for me. I wanted my dad to die sooner because of the pain that I was feeling.

For a long time I believed that I was selfish for wanting this. But isn’t hindsight a great thing?! Looking back now, 5 years on, I can see that it wasn’t as selfish as I once thought. I was 15. I was in the midst of exams and was beginning my GCSE’s. I had few friends that actually bothered to ask how I was doing. Even some family members were in that same boat – forgetting what we were having to deal with. I was spending the summer going in and out of hospitals and hospices. Talking with nurses and doctors. Negotiating times for my dad to return home, where he would inevitably have to return to the hospital or eventually the hospice, almost every time being taken there by an ambulance. Hardly how all my friends were spending their summer holidays.

I had a lot going on in that one summer and it didn’t finish when school started up again. I began year 11 whilst this was all still happening. Trying to make it through each day was a battle. I remember sitting in all my classes thinking about how at any moment, a teacher will come and get me to tell me that he had died, or, was being given the ‘last few hours’ checkbox. It was excruciating. Again, this pain was mine. I wanted it to end. Going home everyday only to have the process repeated over and over, day after day was torture.

Ultimately, my dad did die. And that was a whole different type of torture. The realisation of what had happened felt like a tonne of bricks being dropped on top of me, many more times than just once. But, as I did, and still do, I threw myself into my work. I spent my lunchtimes and break times in the library working on my homework. I guess I isolated myself so that I could grieve, but I don’t think I began grieving properly until fairly recently. This work ethic was learnt from my father. At his funeral, all his colleagues commented on his solid work ethic and dedication. Adopting such an approach myself improved my grades but it also cost me time with friends and a social life – not that I was much one for going out and drinking.

I isolated myself to deal with it all. I felt guilty that I was still alive and could keep going. I knew that the rest of my family were continuing with their lives too, as were all the other relatives of my dad’s, but I still felt tremendous guilt that I had the opportunity to take exams and make something of my life. There was also a lot of guilt when it came to my mum. My dad wasn’t the noblest of men that ever lived. He made mistakes at the expense of his family – and this was something I severely struggled with when he was alive, and have struggled with since his death. Due to this, I have felt a lot of guilt for wanting to move past the whole situation when my mum, and others, were and are still struggling.

Grieving is a funny thing. You think you know how to do it and NOPE!!! I couldn’t pinpoint how it is someone should grieve. Nor would I want to. All that I have learnt from my own experience is to let go of the guilt that comes along with trauma and pain. Otherwise, you let the guilt stop you from living. I let this happen – and let it continue for too long. Five years on and I am realising that for me to live, I have to rid myself of the guilt and actually move on. There are painful memories that will stay with me. There are times that I know I will have those memories return. There will be special occasions when I wish my dad were still alive. There are so many things he has already missed and there are so many that have yet to happen that he will miss. But that cannot stop me from living, I cannot be afraid of the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘what could’ve beens’!

The purpose of There is Life Out There . . . is to encourage, inspire and help one another to overcome this guilt, to realise and acknowledge the concept that there is life out there even after a traumatic event or experience – you just have to go out and find it! You have to continue living because you ARE alive!

Erin x