Everything Happens For A Reason

There are many times when I catch myself thinking; I wish things would go back to the way they were before.

A lot has happened in my life over the past 5/6 years. Everything with my dad, uni, Africa ....... But I do sometimes think about how things would have turned out if my dad hadn't died. Obviously that would mean that he would still be around. And yes, I do wish he was still here. But I also know how I was feeling in the years that led up to him getting sick and dying. My relationship with him, whilst not completely hostile, was not idealistic either. He spent a lot of time working, and this work ethic, I guess, has rubbed off a bit on me. I like doing well on assignments - don't necessarily like writing them (especially over Christmas ..... Uni, do you hear me?!?!) - but hey, who really does?! Due to working so much, he often just sat down in front of the TV when he got home and I began to resent him for this. He never really took the time to learn all the things a dad should know about me. He never had very deep conversations with me. I rarely spent any one-on-one time with him. Whenever my mum was working for the day, and he was looking after us, I'm pretty sure that he took us to the same places every time. As I grew older, I guess I became more bolshie and stubborn, which meant that we ended up clashing even more. Eventually, all I wanted to do was move as far away from him as possible, and with uni approaching at the time, I was thinking about this option more and more.

I hated the fact that he would become so engrossed with the football game on TV. I hated that he was so concerned about our elbows being on the table even after we had all finished eating. I hated that spilling a glass of water meant you had just committed the most heinous of crimes. The list was continuing to grow and it was growing more and more suffocating.

I know that if he were still here, I probably wouldn't still be at home. I would have more than likely ran off to some far away place to pursue a career that would mean I had to go abroad to work, just so I wouldn't have to face him everyday.

Just because I am relaying the bad aspects of my relationship with my dad does not mean that I couldn't care less that he is gone. Like I have said before, I do wish he were here still, after all he was my dad and I miss him. I wish he could see what I have accomplished so far in my life. I have thought about everything that I have done, and how differently it would have panned out if he were still alive. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yes, what my family and I went through was horrific and terrible. No, I would never wish for anyone else to go through the same thing. And unfortunately, people do go though terrible things that are heartbreaking and devastating. But maybe they happen just to make us stronger. Maybe just to help us understand and help us empathise with others around us. Maybe just to encourage us to see, recognise and appreciate the beauty and the happiness that does exist.

My dad also had a really brilliant side to him. He could be the life and soul of a party. He had the loudest laugh (something my sister seems to have inherited). And this side of him was so joyful and fun to be around. I just wish there were more moments that I got to see this side of him!

Life could be different. And in one sense it can't be. My dad isn't alive anymore, and I can't change that. I can't change what we went through. But it another sense, life will be different. I will make it different. I will and still can do things that will make my life different for the better, not just for me, but for my family, friends and those around me.

This Christmas, my brother bought me a book that was on my 'wish list', Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs (I may have only read the first couple of chapters, but I highly recommend it!). Anyway, one particular paragraph stood out to me in the first chapter. It read as follows:

"Your life, start to finish, is a map. And we are HERE. That's all I know. I don't know where you've been and I don't know where your map will take you. I only know there will be moments when you feel like the map has turned or changed and moments when you realise you've read this map wrong all along. You will crumple it up and throw it down, only to return to it for direction ..."

How true is this?! We don't know where our lives will take us. We have to have faith and trust that they will turn out okay, and we have to accept that life does not turn out as planned! But, we can know for sure that in life, everything happens for a reason - God never gives us more than we can handle (even though it so often feels like he does!). I never thought my family would have to experience cancer so personally, but we did. Whilst there are things in our lives we may want to change, we have to understand that it is not always possible to do so. Sometimes, if you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Band Aid 30

By now, you have most probably heard Band Aid 30's charity single in support of Ebola. It has had plenty of radio attention (I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have heard it playing), is accompanied by a music video, and has recordings in other languages. The celebrities involved range from Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith, to YouTube stars Zoella and Alfie. Plenty of recognisable faces and voices. You would think that with these celebrities all joining forces to promote raising money for the Ebola crisis, it would be a positive thing, right?! Yet the single, and all that surrounds it, has received some criticism.

Some people have taken issue with the fact that these celebrities make a tonne of money, yet are asking other people to donate. Naturally, I think this is fair. They do make a ridiculous amount of money, so if they combined their earnings this would go a long way in supporting many charities and the work that they do. However, does this mean that the rest of us just sit back and allow them to do the heavy lifting so to speak (clearly, this would not be the most physically strenuous of tasks)? Absolutely not!! We should all be caring for one another and should all take an interest in doing so. All lives are important! We probably have more than we need. We probably live beyond our needs. We probably have the means to contribute to the lives of others. For example, if you buy 3 coffees from Starbucks a week, this money could go towards sponsoring a child through Compassion. That's only 3 (overpriced) coffees! 

Additionally, both Adele and Lily Allen have reportedly come out saying that they didn't feel they needed to get involved with the single as they have been charitable behind closed doors. This is also fair. Ultimately, being charitable doesn't need to be a visual act. You don't need to have cameras following you around when giving free food to homeless people. You don't need to publicly declare you are donating to such and such a charity. Giving to charity is a personal decision - one that does not need to be announced or recorded for the world to see. This could actually turn a charitable act into a selfish act, as one would then be doing something in the hope of drawing favourable attention to themselves. 

On the other hand, however, taking part in the latest social media movement or telling a friend you are donating to your favourite charity is not always a terrible idea. Take the ice bucket challenge for example, or even the no make-up selfie. Both cooked up a storm on social media (perhaps the ice bucket challenge did to a greater extent), but both encouraged exposure to their respective charities, and all the other charities that individuals decided to donate to. As long as people were actually donating, should we take issue with people doing such things? It could be argued that it takes the attention away from the charity it is intending to support. But it can also be argued that it gives the charity the attention it deserves.

When we look at all the celebrities involved with Band Aid 30, immediately we look for those we recognise. If we recognise them, watch their videos or listen to their music, we are more likely to listen to them when they talk about charity. We are more likely to follow their lead. Perhaps celebrities shouldn't have such a influence or an impact on the rest of us, but they do, and in particular with the younger generations. If they say "jump", kids say "how high" - take One Direction (who also participated in this single). So instead of taking issue with the fact that celebrities are asking the rest of us to donate to whatever charity, we should be thankful they are encouraging those willing to donate. We have to trust that they too are donating, but like us, maybe they just don't want to announce they have donating because there is bound to be someone who will take issue with them doing that! 

As Christmas looms, and we all begin to get into the Christmas spirit with tinsel, festive music playing in the background and waaaaay too much food, we should think of those less fortunate than ourselves. If we are in a position to help, let's help! Even if this means the cliche example of helping that old lady to cross the road. It doesn't have to be something big. It just means you doing what you can with what you have. 

Christmas is a time of giving. So let's give.

Here is the video (just in case you haven't seen it yet). 

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)