This week has been
emotional to say the least. And by saying this, it doesn't mean I spent the
week sobbing. It was a mixture of emotions - both happy and sad, often all
happening at once!
One of the big issues this
week was that I was able to resolve a lot of issues relating to my dad .... It
was not easy; it was awkward and a little painful to rehash everything I had
felt over the past 5 years. But, it was needed. Boy, was it needed! For some
reason (I can honestly say hand on heart that I don't know why it had become
such an issue for me) I had grown to resent certain people for not being around
when I felt they should've been. There was a great deal of bitterness, anger
and disappointment that I had been, and was still feeling. However, I had been
wondering for a long time what I could do to get over it. I had thought about
just leaving it alone and letting it all fizzle out. But that never really
get's anyone anywhere, does it? So, the only option I could see was to confront
the issue and speak to these people. Believe me, I was terrified. I knew I had
a point, but I was still incredibly nervous as to what their reaction would be
and what they would come back to me with.
Anyway .... after about 4
and a half months, I finally managed to organise a time to meet and discuss
some of the issues and questions I had with them. Thankfully, although I didn't
see it at the time, I only had about 6 hours to stew and stress about what I
was going to say and hear. This seriously was a blessing in disguise, because
if I had had more time, say a day or the weekend, I would have been so stressed
and worked up about it that I probably would have just cancelled. I know I was
the one who had asked for the meeting, but the closer it got, the more
terrified I was. Thankfully, again, an amazing friend of mine (you know who you
are!!) encouraged me to keep the meeting and to not back out. She knew how much
it meant to me and how important it was that I went through with it.
Cutting a long conversation
short, a lot of questions were answered. So much was discussed and I left
feeling a lot more comfortable with the whole situation, even if there will
still be some unwanted feelings simmering away for a little while. However, it
was nice to just sit and listen to these people and hear some stories that they
remembered about my dad. They got to see a different side to him and it was
good to be reminded of this.
My point here is that I had
to deal with the lemons life handed to me, and I honestly have no clue if I
have made lemonade with them or not. But, what I do know is this . . . if I had
just left the whole thing to sort itself out, it would have just eaten me away.
And I couldn't live feeling bitter and angry every time I saw these people
anymore. It wasn't healthy for anyone. So, if there is an issue that you know
is eating you away, it is not worth letting it consume you. You need to deal
with it in a kind way. This doesn't mean you punch someone because they have
done something to you that you don't necessarily like. Believe me, there have
been moments where even I have thought this would help! But the old cliché is
true: violence is never the answer!
Like I have said before,
everything happens for a reason - and sometimes it can be really hard to see
what that reason may be. But you have to persevere and try to overcome any
obstacles you may face. Because there is life out there, and we have to
keep going, no matter how hard it gets. There are people that depend on us,
just like there are people that we depend on. We have to fight to stay in the
game - even if that means facing some awkward situations head on.
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)
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