Edge of a Cliff

Well, it’s been a while. 

My last post was all about getting priorities straight for this year, giving more time to writing and working on this blog. And, oh look, we have already hit April! And oh look, I haven’t posted since January …

The last few months have been difficult and confusing, and although I wouldn't say my priorities have gone completely out of whack, I have continued to feel stuck with life and that I haven’t always had my priorities in the right order. Work has been fraught and stressful. I have been overloaded and bombarded with a never-ending list of things to do. Every day has started early and hasn't let up until far later in the evening than I would have liked. Being busy throughout the week has continued into the weekends leaving little time to unwind before a new week begins. This has meant that the time I would have liked to dedicate to this blog, music and just writing in general has been sparse. When it did appear I felt as if I was being forced to spend time on my hobbies. Needless to say I began to resent them. Am I alone in this?

This blog has been a sort of pillar for me. I get to vent and share my experiences, whether they be frustrations or full of excitement. But I have always wanted it to be a place where I could highlight the joy in life, in spite of any pain or unhappiness. I have wanted it to be a source for others to see that life doesn’t need to end when something terrible happens. 

I have had to remind myself of that.

Besides the crazy chaotic-ness of school, and perhaps what has had more of an impact on my life, my family has hit a rough patch. My grandfather came over to attend my brother’s graduation back in the summer. Our dad not being able to be there was obviously a painful experience but having our grandad there somewhat softened the occasion. And, our brother got to have his own cheering squad consisting of his two sisters and girlfriend! We are proud to say that we started the cheers in the Cathedral. Our brother was apparently less than impressed, even though he definitely smiled! Anyway, we noticed at this time that our grandad wasn’t quite himself. 

Sadly, by the time my graduation came around our grandad was too sick to travel over to attend it. Thankfully, my uncle took the role of representative, which was incredibly sweet and touching, and made the ceremony more bearable. But my grandad’s absence just placed a greater emphasis on the fact my dad wasn’t there. 

About a month ago things got serious. My aunt had been flying back and forth to the Isle of Man to make sure our grandad was being looked after and try and sort things out, but as a family we had to start discussing a move to Cyprus for potentially better care. However, before any plans were concrete and had been set in motion, our grandad had passed away. 

With five weeks to go we had frantically planned on going to the Isle of Man for a week to spend some time with him as we knew he really wasn’t doing too well and a move to Cyprus was looking more than likely. But a week to visit turned into a trip for a funeral. 

The whole time we were on the island was difficult. There were memories of being with our dad as children, taking us to all of the places he spent as a child or youth himself, where he, his cousins and our aunt played. We have been to some of these places since his death but they still held some raw emotions, which I'm sure will always be the case. On top of memories with our dad were the memories we had with our grandad. Going on train rides and walks around the island, stopping off in many coffee shops, going out for meals and many more. With other family members still on the island we had lots of people to catch up with too. It was somewhat overwhelming.

In typical British weather fashion, the Isle of Man tends to be the home to a lot of wind and rain. We were definitely treated to a lot of it, including hail, at which time we were thankful to be inside and awaiting food! Each time we go we are armed with warm clothes, scarves, umbrellas and winter coats. Hairbrushes are also packed but rarely used due to hair being just as tangled as it was prior to any attempt of brushing out the knots. Soon, even washing hair seems too much effort. Dry shampoo was made for the Isle of Man, people, I promise!

However, on the day of the funeral the weather seemed far from rainy and windy. It was not gloomy at all in fact. To unwind a little from an emotionally draining morning and afternoon, our family went on a hike up Bradda Head with our aunt, uncle and cousins. It is a special place to all of us for many reasons and it seemed appropriate to climb to the top on that day of the week particularly. Whilst the 'adults' waited on one of the many benches overlooking the idyllic scenery, us 'young' cousins ventured to the top of Milner’s Tower, and even to the edge of the cliff. Believe me, the opportunity for photos from up there is well worth the shaky legs afterwards, even if we got a little out of breath.  

Sitting close to the edge of the cliff, trying to one-up my brother, I sat looking out at the ocean surrounding the island. It was spectacular. I remember thinking about how rough and choppy the sea had been for the few days before that day. It was such a contrast to how calm and still the waves were in that moment. The sun was glorious as it was beginning to set. There was only a gentle breeze in the air and it all seemed very fitting. As Psalm 30:5 says "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning".

The time we spent with our cousins that week, and on this hike specifically, seemed to breathe a little life back into me. We were all so exhausted by the events of the week that just being together was what we needed, or at least that is how it felt to me. Just laughing together and taking pictures of a place we have all grown up to admire and love was perfect. 

Sometimes life is hard. And sometimes it is even harder. But, then there are moments that just bring a perspective to it all. Despite the fact that a key member (or rather two) of our family wasn’t with us as we made our way to the top joking and reminiscing about the past, we had a rare week where we were all in the same place at the same time. We spent part of everyday together just enjoying each others’ company. 

It was a hard week, but I am so glad for that time together. We got to talk and plan for the times we have to look forward to. And in the pain of loss, we were reminded of the joy that is ahead for us all in the future. 

(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!) 

1 New Year, 6 New Approaches

And just like that, it's 2016! Where did 2015 even go?!

When New Year rolled around last year I wrote a blog post about my lack of faith in resolutions (read it here http://thereislifeoutthere.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/happy-new-year-and-all-that-jazz.html). I still believe they are essentially hopes and dreams that we make, but they are also simply ones we can make every other day of the year. 

I may have also mentioned that it makes sense to start the new year with a sense of clarity and a fresh approach to what you want the year ahead to hold. But along with this, there often comes a focus on ourselves. For many people, 2015 hasn't been a great year. Unfortunately, 2016 won't be that great for some either. When asked what I believe 2016 would hold for me, I honestly felt really anxious. 2015 hasn't been the most clear, and it makes me nervous to think if 2016 will be better. But I did think. Instead of thinking about what was going to happen in 2016 for me and those around me I thought about the different ways I could approach this year ahead. I hope I can remind myself of these when I feel frustrated with the year, and I hope these will give you some ideas as to how you can approach 2016 too!

1. Remember to breathe

Life is busy. Can I get an 'Amen'? I'm sure we all wish we could be a little like Zack Morris and be able to pause time, even if that means our friends are really bad at pretending to freeze. There are piles of to-do lists we can write for ourselves (and delegate a few more to others) and often it can feel as if they grow before we can tick anything off. This is literally my life when it comes to my job. Eventually though, some things become irrelevant because the time they needed to be completed for passes by. Honestly, this is actually quite satisfying. I'm not saying give up on what you need to get done, just don't stress if you don't get everything done! This wasn't even my main point here .... My main point is that sometimes your lists need to take a back seat and be put on the back-burner. You need to take time to breathe - do something that relaxes you. Get a new hobby and spend a little bit of time (or a lot if you put the 'pro' in procrastination) every now and then, as frequently as possible, giving yourself a much needed break!

2. Stop focussing on the past

This is very easily said but very difficult to do. Whilst is can be nice to reminisce, focusing on what has already happened can lead to missing what is happening in the present. I often overthink what has happened previously and this just adds to me being anxious. I need to learn to take every experience and opportunity for what it is and not bring any luggage of failure or fear. If we all approached different work opportunities, social experiences and people this way, would we have more confidence? Would we be more willing to step out of our comfort zone? Would we be more likely to realise our potential?

3. Just keep swimming

I am 90% sure that I have quoted Finding Nemo in a previous post, and I am 100% sure I will quote the movie again in the future (#sorrynotsorry). The whole concept behind Dory's ridiculously catchy song is relevant to anyone. Whatever life throws at you, whether it is something you've been waiting to happen for years or something that just flat out sucks, you have to keep going. Life is meant to be lived and even when you feel like you are crumbling under the pressures of school or work, or whether you could just really use a duvet day and spend it watching day-time TV, there is still beauty and hope in the life you live ...

4. Search for beauty and hope

I can pretty much guarantee that there will be moments in 2016 that won't exactly be fun for you. But, there will still be plenty of beautiful things about your life that you can look to and be thankful for. Maybe a life-long friendship will take it's course and fizzle out, but you will have other relationships with other friends and your family that you can look to. These relationships might even benefit and develop into something even more beautiful. Also look for the hope in your life. There will be things that you can be hopeful for. What are you hopeful for?

5. Focus on other people

Another easily said, harder to do one. When you're finding it tough, know someone else is finding it tough too. Maybe your 'toughness' won't be the same, but if you put your focus on someone else who is hurting, it may help. Do this even if you aren't finding anything tough - if someone else is, you can help them. Make sure you also take the time to develop the relationships in your life. Don't choose to only interact with people via social media - crazily enough, you can speak to someone face-to-face without one of you bursting into a ball of flames! Choose grabbing a long-overdue coffee (or caramel hot chocolate for us non-hipster people) with someone you haven't seen in a while over binge watching Netflix. Or, have that coffee while watching Netflix with that friend! Just spend this year with other people. Make memories and encourage one another. 

6. Prioritise right

As I have said, life is busy. But if we can learn to put what is important first and not put greater emphasis on far less meaningful things, life would be a lot smoother. I know that if I spend less time stressing about work than I spend actually getting it done (fellow procrastinators will understand me) my life would be far easier! That's a basic example, and probably one that relates to all of us. My main focus for this year ahead is to get the big priorities right. 1. God 2. Family and friends 3. Work. I know people reading this may not believe in what I do but I know that I need to put God first in my life. There are so many things that I waste time worrying about that could have not even developed into an issue if I had prayed or read my Bible. So, this is something that I am approaching differently going into 2016. As for family and work, I understand I have to work, and so does my family, but it's when work life takes precedence over spending time as a family that we have issues! In 2016, I have to make sure that my priorities are in the correct order! I don't want to look back in a year from now and realise that all my issues and struggles were a result of my priorities not being in the right order .... because that would be my fault, and I would rather blame someone else .... just kidding!

Despite nerves and anxieties growing each day over many different things, I look forward to seeing what 2016 holds, and what we all do with it. As corny as it sounds we only have one time to make 2016 count. So approach it the right way and actually make it count!

Oh Tanzania!

This time last year I was in Tanzania. As part of my degree, we had the opportunity to experience teaching in an alternate setting, so obviously I had to choose one of the more expensive options and go to Africa. It was all totally and completely worth it!

Obviously, the chance to go abroad to teach was very popular, so we had to apply for a place. The stress levels in doing this! When we eventually found out that we had been chosen for a place for the trip, we only had around 5 weeks until we actually flew out. Anyone who has planned a trip abroad has mostly likely done so with more than 5 weeks preparation and would probably agree that this is a ridiculous amount of time to plan a trip to Africa for a week, let alone a month. However, we managed it - I honestly don't know how, I think we were running around like headless chickens during this period - but we managed it! We had all our vaccinations, bought our malaria tablets, got all the mosquito nets and sleeping bags that we needed, bought a load of appropriate clothing for the Tanzanian weather (not an easy task when it was winter!) and gathered a tonne of resources that we would need for our lessons. Overall, it was really stressful!

At our welcoming party (naturally I found the NHL hoody!)

Despite the rush of getting ready for this trip, the entire time in Africa was amazing! We stayed at an orphanage that was connected to a church and the school at which we taught. Mama and Pastor and everyone else at the orphanage were incredibly welcoming, which made it really easy to get used to our new surroundings! The whole toilet/shower situation was one aspect that may have taken longer to get used to! We definitely take running water and flushing toilets for granted - I figured this out when we got overly excited and started crying after finding a flushing toilet (okay, maybe that was just me!). 

Rain coats definitely came in handy!

When you think about living in Africa, I bet the first thing you think of is the heat, right? Well, it rained A LOT in Tanzania. And every time it did, we lost power! Pretty sure this happened almost every day or so! Eventually you get used to it - that is until you hear a bug buzzing around near where you are sitting and then being in the dark becomes a little too much. Thankfully, the group that went to Tanzania the year before ours suggested we invest in some head torches. We did, and they came in very handy with the amount of power cuts we had!

Busting a move . . .

All the children at the orphanage were always so happy and excited to see us! We spent a lot of time playing with them outside - which mostly consisted of them stealing our phones and cameras to take hundreds of selfies!! They also taught us to dance (move over Beyonce!) - which came in handy when a few of us joined in with the dancing in the church service. Their church was very lively and praised like they had no distractions. They took great pride in their beliefs and didn't care that we were there, they just encouraged and welcomed us to join in! 

Our attempt at cooking bites!

The food we ate consisted of bread, rice and spaghetti. We had these three things every day!! (Having lasagne as my first meal when I arrived back in England wasn't the smartest of ideas!) We also had chapatis quite often - just because we kept asking for them. They are delicious. We were taught how to cook them along with bites, which are very similar in taste to doughnuts - just a little drier. In exchange, we introduced our new friends to garlic butter, which went down pretty well!  

Goofing around with Standard 3.

The teaching itself was intense. Out of the four weeks we spent in Tanzania, two were spent teaching. We ended up being left with the entire school, over 100 pupils between six of us. Whilst I found this incredibly daunting initially, I feel it greatly benefitted my practice and ability to be versatile in my teaching and lessons! Although, when it came to the Kiswahili lessons (their equivalent on English lessons) I just either ended up letting them teach me Swahili, or using the time finish off the learning from another lesson. 

Planning and teaching lessons in Tanzania is completely different to planning and teaching in England. In Tanzania, we managed to buy some teacher planning books, where only 1 page is allocated for each lesson. Many teachers may feel that this is not an adequate amount of space for each lesson, but it was pure bliss! There was so much less pressure to plan the 'perfect' lesson. But that didn't mean our lessons weren't great (even if i do say so myself)! Honestly, I would spend probably no more than 15 minutes maximum on thinking, planning and writing out a lesson, and I would feel comfortable teaching any of these in primary schools in England. In comparison to planning now, I spend probably a couple of hours on each lesson! I get really pedantic about the whole thing, especially if it is for an observation lesson, which just piles on a whole extra amount of pressure! We get told at uni that the time we spend planning will decrease as we grow in experience and get used to having our own class. I really really really hope it does!

Ba-na-na, Ba-na-na-na!

In addition to the teaching, we were able to travel around and do some amazing things! We went to the local markets and saw an abundance of bananas (literally - I have never seen soooo many!!), and we bought some beautiful fabric that was turned into skirts, trousers and bags for us!! 

The beautiful Martha!

Also, where we were in Tanzania meant we could see Mount Kilimanjaro - so one of the amazing girls that we met (Martha) woke us up at 6am to see it. Soo incredible! I wish we had more time so that we could have climbed Kili, even if only for an hour! ;)

We debated whether to plan a trip to Zanzibar for the final weekend, or whether to go on safari. Going on safari won, so we decided to go to a hotel for the final week!

At the Honey Badger Lodge!

Zebra crossing ;)

We visited Lake Manyara and Tarangire National Park. Both were spectacular! At Lake Manyara, we had elephants walking in an arm's reach of the safari truck - which was beyond awesome! We saw so many incredible animals from elephants to giraffes, water-hogs to antelopes, a lion to baboons. Sure you can see some of them in your local zoo, but seeing them in their natural habitat is way better! And being on a safari truck is an experience in itself - I lost count of the amount of bruises I got and the amount of times I hit my head! :)

Real-life Jungle Book!

One of the nights on safari was spent camping in Tarangire National Park. Was not as bad as it sounds. The tents were really big and we had flushing toilets and showers!!! However, we did have members of the Maasai tribe guarding us throughout the night just incase any wild animal decided to get close to the camp! The Maasai tribe also welcomed us to the camp with their traditional chanting and jumping - when it is dark and they jump and scream in your face, it is both funny and terrifying!

Members of the Maasai tribe.

After our safari trip, we spent the day in Moshi, where some serious souvenir shopping was done!! I possibly spent a ridiculous amount of money of souvenirs, but in my defence, they were not all for me. They were presents and gifts for friends and family! Nevertheless - my suitcase, whilst lighter from the lack of resources, was a little full when flying back to England!

Amazingly, this all survived the journey home!

Just thinking about the whole trip now, I am so grateful that it happened! There were plenty of times where I was homesick, particularly when FaceTime decided to work intermittently. But I know that it was a once in a lifetime trip! That being said - I am desperate to and am sure I will go back to Africa, not just to Tanzania, but also to a load of the other African countries! It is such a beautiful place and all the people we met were so happy and grateful themselves! They may not have all that we take for granted and get distracted by, but they were content in the lives that they lived. 

We have so much choice, that even choosing a brand of hot chocolate takes serious thought and consideration. This trip showed me that you do not need all the latest gadgets and gizmos to be happy. I know, it's easy to say this when they are so available and accessible to us! But when did we decide that focussing on material wealth was what life was about? The people around us are more valuable than any phone or laptop. The relationships we have, the way we act and treat others holds more importance than any salary we could get! 

Tanzania highlighted to me the importance of faith and family. I saw how much pride the church family that welcomed us with open arms had! They were bold in their faith and encouraged us to be the same! They supported their families and friends and made me appreciate all of the people in my life much more.

There are once in a lifetime trips. And then there are once in a lifetime trips that change your life. Tanzania was the latter! Just being able to say I have been to Africa - something I had always wanted to do, but never thought would actually happen - proves that you can do great things, go to foreign and unfamiliar places and meet new people even after going through what I have. There is life out there, and I can still do amazing things with my life, no matter what adversities I may face! There is still so much beauty to be found in life - and if we accept it, we all have the opportunity to find it!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

My Worth Won't Come From Any Guy

How many times do we sit watching movies that are all lovey-dovey and happy and wish that we ourselves were the characters?! We want to be that girl who gets noticed by the overly sickeningly handsome guy (Ryan Gosling/Zac Efron/Channing Tatum - the list could go on and on); or be the shy guy who gets the most popular girl. We want to get swept off our feet and be madly in love and all that!

What is wrong with this picture? Are we not enough? Can we only be complete when we are in a relationship?

I'm currently single. And I don't feel like this is a bad thing. But I feel that society puts a certain stigma on those who are single. If you're single then you have probably been told that there must be something wrong with you! How about NO?! How about we just go with the fact that, at least for me, I am currently single because I have yet to meet anyone who I feel I want to get into a relationship with. This doesn't mean that I have something terribly wrong with me (although others may have a different opinion about this - namely my brother and sister!). Perhaps I am just such an amazing catch that no one has fit the bill just yet. Okay, so I'm clearly exaggerating here!! But why do I have to be in a relationship to not have something wrong with me; to be complete?

How does a relationship validate me as a woman, or an individual, or even a human being? When did we begin to believe that being in a relationship is what gives someone value?

It's so sad to think that this is the message that the younger generations are growing up with and hearing. The perception that they are not enough on their own. That their worth will be validated when they have a relationship. If this is what they are getting from us, then it's easy to see why so many young people are fan-girling over celebrities. Surely, the more well-known and liked, the more famous a guy is, the more well-liked they will be. The more they will be worth right? WRONG!

A relationship does nothing to validate you as a person! I'm not saying they are bad things at all!!! Obviously, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. But at the same time - I won't rush into anything because there is the pressure of finding someone and realising my worth. I have worth. I, me, the individual that I am has worth. If I end up being in a relationship, I will still have this same worth! I may feel more valuable because of the guy I'm in the relationship with, but that does not negate any worth I had prior, or even after the relationship! And it's the same for all of us. For you. You are worth a whole lot more than you think even if you are not currently in a relationship. You are an awesome person with something to contribute to society and to the world that we all live in!

I guess my faith has a large part to play in my thinking on this subject. I find my worth in God, that He created me and knew me before I was born. I recognise that not everyone shares this view. But at the end of the day, if God thinks that I am enough as the individual that I am, then that's good enough for me. I can live my life saying, 'Hey look at me - I am awesome and have plenty of worth and value!'. I can do great things with my life whether I am single or in a relationship. My value and worth is not defined by the guy I am or am not in a relationship with!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)