Edge of a Cliff

Well, it’s been a while. 

My last post was all about getting priorities straight for this year, giving more time to writing and working on this blog. And, oh look, we have already hit April! And oh look, I haven’t posted since January …

The last few months have been difficult and confusing, and although I wouldn't say my priorities have gone completely out of whack, I have continued to feel stuck with life and that I haven’t always had my priorities in the right order. Work has been fraught and stressful. I have been overloaded and bombarded with a never-ending list of things to do. Every day has started early and hasn't let up until far later in the evening than I would have liked. Being busy throughout the week has continued into the weekends leaving little time to unwind before a new week begins. This has meant that the time I would have liked to dedicate to this blog, music and just writing in general has been sparse. When it did appear I felt as if I was being forced to spend time on my hobbies. Needless to say I began to resent them. Am I alone in this?

This blog has been a sort of pillar for me. I get to vent and share my experiences, whether they be frustrations or full of excitement. But I have always wanted it to be a place where I could highlight the joy in life, in spite of any pain or unhappiness. I have wanted it to be a source for others to see that life doesn’t need to end when something terrible happens. 

I have had to remind myself of that.

Besides the crazy chaotic-ness of school, and perhaps what has had more of an impact on my life, my family has hit a rough patch. My grandfather came over to attend my brother’s graduation back in the summer. Our dad not being able to be there was obviously a painful experience but having our grandad there somewhat softened the occasion. And, our brother got to have his own cheering squad consisting of his two sisters and girlfriend! We are proud to say that we started the cheers in the Cathedral. Our brother was apparently less than impressed, even though he definitely smiled! Anyway, we noticed at this time that our grandad wasn’t quite himself. 

Sadly, by the time my graduation came around our grandad was too sick to travel over to attend it. Thankfully, my uncle took the role of representative, which was incredibly sweet and touching, and made the ceremony more bearable. But my grandad’s absence just placed a greater emphasis on the fact my dad wasn’t there. 

About a month ago things got serious. My aunt had been flying back and forth to the Isle of Man to make sure our grandad was being looked after and try and sort things out, but as a family we had to start discussing a move to Cyprus for potentially better care. However, before any plans were concrete and had been set in motion, our grandad had passed away. 

With five weeks to go we had frantically planned on going to the Isle of Man for a week to spend some time with him as we knew he really wasn’t doing too well and a move to Cyprus was looking more than likely. But a week to visit turned into a trip for a funeral. 

The whole time we were on the island was difficult. There were memories of being with our dad as children, taking us to all of the places he spent as a child or youth himself, where he, his cousins and our aunt played. We have been to some of these places since his death but they still held some raw emotions, which I'm sure will always be the case. On top of memories with our dad were the memories we had with our grandad. Going on train rides and walks around the island, stopping off in many coffee shops, going out for meals and many more. With other family members still on the island we had lots of people to catch up with too. It was somewhat overwhelming.

In typical British weather fashion, the Isle of Man tends to be the home to a lot of wind and rain. We were definitely treated to a lot of it, including hail, at which time we were thankful to be inside and awaiting food! Each time we go we are armed with warm clothes, scarves, umbrellas and winter coats. Hairbrushes are also packed but rarely used due to hair being just as tangled as it was prior to any attempt of brushing out the knots. Soon, even washing hair seems too much effort. Dry shampoo was made for the Isle of Man, people, I promise!

However, on the day of the funeral the weather seemed far from rainy and windy. It was not gloomy at all in fact. To unwind a little from an emotionally draining morning and afternoon, our family went on a hike up Bradda Head with our aunt, uncle and cousins. It is a special place to all of us for many reasons and it seemed appropriate to climb to the top on that day of the week particularly. Whilst the 'adults' waited on one of the many benches overlooking the idyllic scenery, us 'young' cousins ventured to the top of Milner’s Tower, and even to the edge of the cliff. Believe me, the opportunity for photos from up there is well worth the shaky legs afterwards, even if we got a little out of breath.  

Sitting close to the edge of the cliff, trying to one-up my brother, I sat looking out at the ocean surrounding the island. It was spectacular. I remember thinking about how rough and choppy the sea had been for the few days before that day. It was such a contrast to how calm and still the waves were in that moment. The sun was glorious as it was beginning to set. There was only a gentle breeze in the air and it all seemed very fitting. As Psalm 30:5 says "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning".

The time we spent with our cousins that week, and on this hike specifically, seemed to breathe a little life back into me. We were all so exhausted by the events of the week that just being together was what we needed, or at least that is how it felt to me. Just laughing together and taking pictures of a place we have all grown up to admire and love was perfect. 

Sometimes life is hard. And sometimes it is even harder. But, then there are moments that just bring a perspective to it all. Despite the fact that a key member (or rather two) of our family wasn’t with us as we made our way to the top joking and reminiscing about the past, we had a rare week where we were all in the same place at the same time. We spent part of everyday together just enjoying each others’ company. 

It was a hard week, but I am so glad for that time together. We got to talk and plan for the times we have to look forward to. And in the pain of loss, we were reminded of the joy that is ahead for us all in the future. 

(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!) 

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

There is always going to one person that disagrees with you or what you are doing. Let's just put that out there straight away!

We go through life doing whatever it is that we do. For me, I teach (no clever comments about how all I do is finger-paint or "those who can't do teach"), I am involved with my church, I love ice-hockey and country music just to rattle off a few things. From these, there are a multitude of things that people disagree with. For example; my sister probably couldn't care less about ice-hockey, my brother is one of those people who is convinced that teaching is a 9 - 3 job ..... and all you do is finger-paint, a lot of people will choose to dislike my choice in music because the 'country twang' makes them cringe and the biggie, many have criticised me for my faith.

I'm sure you have heard this before - but stop worrying about what others think! If I let other opinions bother me, and at times they do - trust me, then I wouldn't 'be me' anymore (cliche!!!). Honestly, all I have to do is hear a deep southern voice or listen to a hockey game to hear the puck sliding across the ice and I feel relaxed. I understand others may not feel the same way, but that doesn't mean it makes it any less relaxing for me. It doesn't mean I have to change what I enjoy to suit them and make them feel satisfied.

My faith, is just that. It's mine. Yes, I believe what I believe and if you want to question me about it then go right ahead - I won't hold back and I'd love to share. But at the same time, I hate the perception that all Christians are indoctrinating people. We're not. At least we really shouldn't be! I share my faith where I can, but I recognise that it may not be something that others agree with, and I accept that.

So same for you! Choose to enjoy what you enjoy and what matters to you. If you are constantly looking for the seal of approval from those that surround you I guarantee you will be left disappointed. Don't let their opinions sway who you are - stand firm in what you believe. We are all different, and isn't that what is so great! We also have our own beliefs and opinions. They may not be shared beliefs and opinions, but we all need to respect that about one another, and show a little more love and kindness. Just because we stop worrying about other opinions doesn't mean we disrespect the people with the opinions!

I honestly believe that life can be lived to the fullest when we start living and seeking out life, as opposed to worrying about the negative things that others think of us. I challenge you to do the same and to challenge your friends to do the same with you! :)


(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!) 

One Year On

There are many cliches that go along with death. One that I have heard a lot is "time heals". Firstly, it doesn't heal. Think about it, you lose someone you love and yep, wait a year and you'll be hunky dory! Hate to break it to you but it just doesn't happen like that. Yes, there are advantages to time passing. With time comes distance. Distance from the event. Distance that helps blur it all a little bit (for lack of a better phrase) and give you a chance to find a new normal. That's another one - "things will never be normal again". This one used to make me laugh - seriously, is that not a given? 'Normal' changes and adapts as you and your circumstances do and the event kind of becomes a part of you and your life.

It is the now the sixth anniversary of losing my dad. So crazy that we are already at six years! In the past six years, life has carried on (ooh, another cliche ;) - although very true). My family and I have adapted to our new normal by plodding on with our lives. It has not been easy. There have been many tears and fights, but a lot of laughs too. We have fought to stay strong when all we wanted to do was crumble (and still crumble). We have pushed each other away and held onto each other when no one else has been there.

I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I have felt really let down by the people around me. People I thought could and should have been there for us instead of (literally at times) crossing the street to avoid us, forgetting the anniversaries or birthdays, or walking straight passed us without so much as a hello, all because they thought a picture on the wall was enough, or having family as leaders in our church meant we had someone looking after us. It was even said that they weren't there because they thought others had it covered.

If there is one thing that I need to take away from all of this, and should share (and in the words of Hunter Hayes), it's that you can't love too much. If you know, or even suspect that someone is hurting, don't just assume that someone else will be there for them. Go out of your own way to do something to help.

Another year on and being let down still hurts. Losing my dad still hurts. But I am learning to be grateful for the time I had with him. The obnoxiously loud laugh he had and his cheesy grin. There were ups and downs, but he was my dad and I miss him. I have hit milestones that I wish he could have been here to see and be a part of. But with time also comes new experiences and I could have chosen to not carry on with life so that he wouldn't miss out on them. But then I wouldn't be living. I want to experience what life has to offer, even if that means that it's hard at times.

I encourage you, if you have ever gone through a similar experience to do the same - experience life. Maybe you won't feel like doing it right away. Maybe it will take a few years. That's okay! But eventually, you'll get there. Remember, don't be afraid to ask for help or even for a friend to just grab a coffee with you. You'll be surprised how good it feels to smile and laugh for five minutes! And eat cake and ice-cream!!

So, one year on, the purpose behind this blog remains the same. I want to share my experiences in the hopes of helping and encouraging others. Despite being written a year ago, the following words still ring true - whatever you are going through or have been through, or even will go through, there is life out there - you just have to go out there and find it!


(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!) 

Chapter By Chapter

I'm sure you have heard it said that your life is like a book, and you are writing your own story a chapter at a time. I'm sure you've also heard it said, or at least read if you've read some of my previous posts (I'm really hoping there are other people reading this ...), that I'm not completely convinced that I am doing what I'm meant to be doing - but really who is, right?

In Philippians 4:11, a verse that has quickly become one of my favourites, Paul speaks of how he has learnt to be content with wherever he is in life (and he didn't exactly live a life of luxury) - something we should do also. I admit it's often tough to feel happy when feeling out of place and feeling unsupported in what you really want to do. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you too have friends - family even - that discourage your ambitions and dreams. Maybe your story at the moment is just a chapter in your life. But in some way, doesn't that offer a little comfort? That one day, this chapter will end and a new one will begin?

I'm sure authors agonise over some of their chapters whilst they find others an absolute breeze to write. Similarly, readers probably fly through some chapters yet find others boring to read. And in this way, our lives really are like books. Some chapters are really easy to get through. They are gripping and exciting, filled with new experiences. However, there are also some chapters that simply aren't the same. They may seem endless and difficult, and they may suck. But remember, just like in a book, chapters end.

Wherever we are in our lives, there is always something else about to happen - whether it be good or bad. But I believe that there is a reason behind everything we go through, even if it is not evident at the time. We get through life like we get through a book - chapter by chapter.



thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com

4 Things We All Have In Common

There are many things that I would like to do with my life. Many different professions that I would like to be a part of. Many opportunities I would like to take. Many places I would like to go. Sometimes, I feel that I am failing myself by not doing something else. But ultimately, I guess, whatever I do, I want to do good and be a part of something good. I want to make a difference.

When I left primary school at 11 years old, there was a leavers' service to celebrate my friends and I ending one chapter in our lives and beginning another - the start of secondary school where we would, once again, be at the bottom of the food chain (unless you had really cool friends a few years above, and I was never that popular). Honestly, I couldn't tell you what words of encouragement were spoken in the hopes of inspiring us - all I remember is being given a parker pen, which, believe it or not, was really exciting back then! But this week, I was invited to a friends leavers' service and got to hear their motivational speech, and I couldn't help but think that it was something that everyone should hear, or perhaps just be reminded of.

There are four things that we all have. These four things are the backbone of what we need to make a difference. Firstly, we have eyes, to see the world around us. To see the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Secondly, we have a heart to feel what we are seeing. We may see pure happiness but we need a heart in order to feel it and to feel the good that can come from it. Instead of happiness, it may be sheer pain and heartbreak that we witness. It will be our heart that stirs up a movement and encourages us to seek change. Thirdly, we have a brain to figure out what we can do. At times it may feel like we are an ant in a world of giants. But there is always something, no matter how small, that can be done! Finally, we have hands and feet to actually go about making change. Each and every one of us, individuals or groups have the means and power to make change happen!

I agree that it may seem that world leaders, politicians, celebrities and athletes are capable of greater change. But are they?? They have press and cameras and a tonne of money (which, lets face it, could be spent in places and given to people that really need it - but that is a whole other topic/rant) but I wonder, if we all truly believed that we were capable of change, how different would this world look? Not even necessarily the world, but our schools, our homes, our workplaces. We can make change possible in little or large measures. But change is change. And it is possible. No matter what we have or what we are going through, we can use that to inspire change. I may have gone through losing a parent to cancer, but through that experience, I found a voice that I didn't know I had. One that I could use to share my story and hopefully help someone else feel like they are not alone. And that can be the same for anyone. For you. You can use whatever you are going through or have been through to inspire change.

There are countless quotes I could write here about being the difference you want to see in the world (see what I did there?) but it is true. If you wish to see something change, you have to be willing to change it. And you have what you need to make a change happen and to make a difference in this world!

Change. It may be a six letter word, but it can be incredibly powerful. You can be incredibly powerful!



thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com

Making A Beautiful Comeback

This week, there has been a video floating around on Facebook that I finally got around to watching yesterday.

To summarise, the guy in the video, Josh, lost his dad and some members of his school decided to bully him for missing his father. His story resonated with me. When you lose someone close to you, there is a mountain of emotions that you face. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Loss. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But the pain that you face is torture itself. And for Josh, it didn't end there - the bullies decided to take it further. Cowards maybe, ignorant more likely. They (perhaps) had no idea what Josh had been through so could never understand what they were doing to him and putting him through.

Despite the pain and hurt Josh must have been feeling, he went on to triumph. And he triumphed beautifully! Just by doing something kind he did something powerful. It may not seem like much on a daily basis, but the act of kindness that Josh used to tell everyone he was still alive and not invisible moved so many in his school - they may have found it strange to begin with, but grew to look forward to it each day!

Take a moment to watch this video and see his story for yourselves - you'll be glad you did!

http://www.faithit.com/this-quiet-kid-sick-being-nobody-watch-what-did-literally-change-everything/

Erin x
(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Happy New Year (And All That Jazz)

So ... It is now 2015! 10 days in ... Do you feel like a whole new person yet??

With another year comes the inevitable 'New Years resolutions'. And aren't they always incredibly unrealistic! How often do we try and convince ourselves that "this is the year" - to lose the extra pound or two and get in shape, eat healthy, find a new hobby or quit our jobs and just start backpacking around the world. In all fairness, sometimes these resolutions stick. But, the majority of the time they just seem to fall short before the end of January (and this is even perhaps too optimistic). We have all made resolutions, myself included, and resolutions will continue to be made by many in the hopes of encouraging and enforcing change. 

However, like I said, they rarely stick. Personally, I feel that just because the year has changed, it is still just another day that we wake up to. The transition between the 31st December and the 1st January holds no magical, mystical explanation. Seriously, it is just like every other day, where the day turns into night, and the night then brings a new day. We put way too many expectations on something that happens 364 times elsewhere in the year. Yet, we don't make resolutions for each of these days. Why? Because these 364 other days are not the beginning of the new year, silly! You can only make resolutions (which are essentially dreams, hopes, goals etc.) when it is the new year, right? WRONG!

We dream. As little children we dream. As we get older, we start setting goals, whether these be for personal reasons or for professional purposes. We do this all the time. We don't need to wait for the 1st January to roll around each year before we allow ourselves to dream and strive for what we want out of our lives. We have every day of every year to do this.

I get it. I understand why we wait until the new year. It makes sense - we think about what we want to accomplish in the coming year. But again, we have all year to do this. Would it not be better, more beneficial for us to have this kind of focus and passion all year round. We don't need to wait to feel that we can accomplish something. We are capable of doing this everyday. Sure - it may not seem like we accomplish much on a day-to-day basis, but we do. Just being able to understand a piece of homework, run that extra mile, not burn dinner is an accomplishment.

It's not that I don't make resolutions - I do - but whenever I do, I just forget about them after a week or two. Plus, they are always about me. And if you are being honest, yours are probably all about you too! Don't we spend too much time focussing on ourselves? If we are going to set resolutions, why don't we make them about other people? That way, maybe they will stand a chance of lasting a little longer than the ones you made for this year have. You will be accountable to someone else other than yourself. Potentially, there could be more pressure and encouragement to fulfil the resolutions. You could make someone happy, instead of feeling like a failure because your resolution was unrealistic and failed all too quickly.

If we all decided to allow ourselves to accomplish things throughout the year instead of waiting for the clock to turn midnight on New Year's Eve; if we all decided to focus more on other people, not just at the beginning of a new year, but throughout the year, think of the good we could do and accomplish . . .



(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Everything Happens For A Reason

There are many times when I catch myself thinking; I wish things would go back to the way they were before.

A lot has happened in my life over the past 5/6 years. Everything with my dad, uni, Africa ....... But I do sometimes think about how things would have turned out if my dad hadn't died. Obviously that would mean that he would still be around. And yes, I do wish he was still here. But I also know how I was feeling in the years that led up to him getting sick and dying. My relationship with him, whilst not completely hostile, was not idealistic either. He spent a lot of time working, and this work ethic, I guess, has rubbed off a bit on me. I like doing well on assignments - don't necessarily like writing them (especially over Christmas ..... Uni, do you hear me?!?!) - but hey, who really does?! Due to working so much, he often just sat down in front of the TV when he got home and I began to resent him for this. He never really took the time to learn all the things a dad should know about me. He never had very deep conversations with me. I rarely spent any one-on-one time with him. Whenever my mum was working for the day, and he was looking after us, I'm pretty sure that he took us to the same places every time. As I grew older, I guess I became more bolshie and stubborn, which meant that we ended up clashing even more. Eventually, all I wanted to do was move as far away from him as possible, and with uni approaching at the time, I was thinking about this option more and more.

I hated the fact that he would become so engrossed with the football game on TV. I hated that he was so concerned about our elbows being on the table even after we had all finished eating. I hated that spilling a glass of water meant you had just committed the most heinous of crimes. The list was continuing to grow and it was growing more and more suffocating.

I know that if he were still here, I probably wouldn't still be at home. I would have more than likely ran off to some far away place to pursue a career that would mean I had to go abroad to work, just so I wouldn't have to face him everyday.

Just because I am relaying the bad aspects of my relationship with my dad does not mean that I couldn't care less that he is gone. Like I have said before, I do wish he were here still, after all he was my dad and I miss him. I wish he could see what I have accomplished so far in my life. I have thought about everything that I have done, and how differently it would have panned out if he were still alive. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yes, what my family and I went through was horrific and terrible. No, I would never wish for anyone else to go through the same thing. And unfortunately, people do go though terrible things that are heartbreaking and devastating. But maybe they happen just to make us stronger. Maybe just to help us understand and help us empathise with others around us. Maybe just to encourage us to see, recognise and appreciate the beauty and the happiness that does exist.

My dad also had a really brilliant side to him. He could be the life and soul of a party. He had the loudest laugh (something my sister seems to have inherited). And this side of him was so joyful and fun to be around. I just wish there were more moments that I got to see this side of him!

Life could be different. And in one sense it can't be. My dad isn't alive anymore, and I can't change that. I can't change what we went through. But it another sense, life will be different. I will make it different. I will and still can do things that will make my life different for the better, not just for me, but for my family, friends and those around me.

This Christmas, my brother bought me a book that was on my 'wish list', Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs (I may have only read the first couple of chapters, but I highly recommend it!). Anyway, one particular paragraph stood out to me in the first chapter. It read as follows:

"Your life, start to finish, is a map. And we are HERE. That's all I know. I don't know where you've been and I don't know where your map will take you. I only know there will be moments when you feel like the map has turned or changed and moments when you realise you've read this map wrong all along. You will crumple it up and throw it down, only to return to it for direction ..."

How true is this?! We don't know where our lives will take us. We have to have faith and trust that they will turn out okay, and we have to accept that life does not turn out as planned! But, we can know for sure that in life, everything happens for a reason - God never gives us more than we can handle (even though it so often feels like he does!). I never thought my family would have to experience cancer so personally, but we did. Whilst there are things in our lives we may want to change, we have to understand that it is not always possible to do so. Sometimes, if you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Don't Let Life Slip On By

This song is one of my favourites! :) It has been playing a lot recently.

I have mentioned in previous posts about how I use music to decompress and relax after a long day. Pretty sure most of us do. Just sticking in the headphones allows us to zone out and escape reality for a little while! It can be beautiful - especially when you listen to great music! ;)

Anyway, the lyrics of this particular song stress the importance and necessity of living and not letting life just slip right past you. Part of the second verse goes as follows: "It ain't easy always looking back, but it seems these days that it's all I have. What hurt me the most is knowing what could have been." I feel that I can really relate to this!! I don't want to get older and suddenly look back over life and wish I had done more! I want to live a life I am proud of. "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough?" (Legacy by Natalie Nordeman).

It's easy to get lost in our daily lives. Be it with school, work, family or whatever else, but sometimes we overlook the beauty that is in our lives! For example, I have been pretty swamped with assignments and uni work these past couple of weeks. But, my sister still comes in from school and talks non-stop for a good hour!! And often this frustrates me because I am busy trying to get work done. But by doing this, I miss hearing about what she has learnt at school, the fact she needs to pick her GCSE options and discuss the subjects she could choose (I don't even know how she got this old!), or even who fell of their chair and had the whole class laughing! This song is a reminder that whatever I am doing, I need to make room for what is important in life - my family and friends!

Despite what I have been through, and I guess because of what I have been through, I want to have an impact and leave a legacy. I want my life to be more than just about me - I want it to help and inspire others, which is a main reason why I started this blog. There is life out there, and I don't want to let my life just slip through my fingers and wake up and realise I could have done more - I could have lived more!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

My Worth Won't Come From Any Guy

How many times do we sit watching movies that are all lovey-dovey and happy and wish that we ourselves were the characters?! We want to be that girl who gets noticed by the overly sickeningly handsome guy (Ryan Gosling/Zac Efron/Channing Tatum - the list could go on and on); or be the shy guy who gets the most popular girl. We want to get swept off our feet and be madly in love and all that!

What is wrong with this picture? Are we not enough? Can we only be complete when we are in a relationship?

I'm currently single. And I don't feel like this is a bad thing. But I feel that society puts a certain stigma on those who are single. If you're single then you have probably been told that there must be something wrong with you! How about NO?! How about we just go with the fact that, at least for me, I am currently single because I have yet to meet anyone who I feel I want to get into a relationship with. This doesn't mean that I have something terribly wrong with me (although others may have a different opinion about this - namely my brother and sister!). Perhaps I am just such an amazing catch that no one has fit the bill just yet. Okay, so I'm clearly exaggerating here!! But why do I have to be in a relationship to not have something wrong with me; to be complete?

How does a relationship validate me as a woman, or an individual, or even a human being? When did we begin to believe that being in a relationship is what gives someone value?

It's so sad to think that this is the message that the younger generations are growing up with and hearing. The perception that they are not enough on their own. That their worth will be validated when they have a relationship. If this is what they are getting from us, then it's easy to see why so many young people are fan-girling over celebrities. Surely, the more well-known and liked, the more famous a guy is, the more well-liked they will be. The more they will be worth right? WRONG!

A relationship does nothing to validate you as a person! I'm not saying they are bad things at all!!! Obviously, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. But at the same time - I won't rush into anything because there is the pressure of finding someone and realising my worth. I have worth. I, me, the individual that I am has worth. If I end up being in a relationship, I will still have this same worth! I may feel more valuable because of the guy I'm in the relationship with, but that does not negate any worth I had prior, or even after the relationship! And it's the same for all of us. For you. You are worth a whole lot more than you think even if you are not currently in a relationship. You are an awesome person with something to contribute to society and to the world that we all live in!

I guess my faith has a large part to play in my thinking on this subject. I find my worth in God, that He created me and knew me before I was born. I recognise that not everyone shares this view. But at the end of the day, if God thinks that I am enough as the individual that I am, then that's good enough for me. I can live my life saying, 'Hey look at me - I am awesome and have plenty of worth and value!'. I can do great things with my life whether I am single or in a relationship. My value and worth is not defined by the guy I am or am not in a relationship with!

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Just Keep Swimming . . .

Do you ever have moments in your life when you feel it's all getting a little bit too much? You know, when someone you love and trust says something that is hurtful and confusing, or when school/uni/work or whatever gets too stressful and busy, or even when everything just feels as though it's all going wrong?

I have plenty of them! We all have moments like this! Maybe not everyday. Maybe everyday. But we all have them at some point.

For example, for the past two years of my university degree, my stress limits have soared! Assignment after confusing assignment always seem to turn me into a ball of worry! But what's the point in worrying and stressing? At the end of all the assignments, pointless directed tasks and repetitive readings I will have a degree (hopefully anyway). Hard work pays off in the end. Putting in the work now will provide me with more opportunities later on. I don't necessarily know whether teaching is the career I want to have for the rest of my life, or if I want to take a completely different career path. But I do know that having my degree will help me along the way. And that puts things into perspective a little bit.

A metaphor that has spoken volumes to me over the years is that of a painting. Looking at a painting  closely means it is difficult to see it as a whole. Stepping further away gives a whole new perspective - it shows the bigger picture. Isn't this the same for life in general? When we are in the thick of a situation, it's hard to understand why we are gong through it, or what the purpose of it may be. But as life carries on ticking by, perhaps more light is shed as to why we were in that situation. It's always easier to look back at an event than it is to go through it. But that's the point of hindsight. You can only understand a situation once you have been through it and come out the other side.

Stress only leads to more stress and often, at least for me, procrastination (a relative of mine once told me that I put the 'pro' in procrastination - it's true!). But that does not benefit us in any way at all! It only makes matters worse!

We all have our own ways of dealing with stress and issues. For me personally, my faith has always been pivotal. My gran used to have a plaque that read: "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don't forget to thank Him for His answers." Jokingly, we used to add on that God would be up all night anyway, but this is something that has stayed with me. I also lean on my family quite a lot. I am always ranting about the latest thing that is bugging me with teaching and my degree, or whatever it is that has irritated me. And, I also spend a large amount of my time watching hockey games! :) All these things helps me gain perspective and relax a little. We all need to find what helps us to decompress.

Whatever you are going through, there is life out there. It may not be obvious in the moment you are going through something painful or difficult, but "just keep swimming". Eventually, you will see the bigger picture and be able to put it down to a learning experience. Difficult situations often make us better people. they make us stronger. Once you get through something, there is so much left to accomplish and achieve.

Erin x

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)

Finding Joy In The Little Things

As we all know, schools have cliques! We don’t need to be a Wildcat and go to East High to know that! We all want to fit in. But at what cost? 

Trying to fit in with a crowd of people doesn’t allow much opportunity for you to truly be you. Call me crazy, but you can still be yourself - without compromising - and have friends. And perhaps this is the most crazy part, you don’t have to be best friends with people who make you change who you are. Now of course I am not saying here that you have to be arch rivals with those that run in different circles to you. Being civil with one another shows maturity, dignity and self-control. If someone doesn’t like who you are, the way you dress, how you have done your hair – so be it. You do! That’s what matters!

Before I went back to uni this year - I went shopping. I needed a little pick-me-up as I wasn't exactly majorly excited to get back into assignment writing and everything else that comes with uni. So retail therapy was my go-to for some motivation, something my bank account didn't take too kindly to! Anyway, one of the items that I bought was a red rucksack. My mum was listing all the advantages and practical elements of the bag, that it was 'soooo me', how good it looked on me and how I should 'dare to be different'! But I had reservations. The thing is red. Not a fire engine, in your face kind red, but red nevertheless. And whilst my initial thought was, "Hey - I like this bag!", I questioned whether others at uni would. 

Eventually I bought the bag because I liked the bag. I would be the one paying for the bag (again, the bank account was not happy with me on this particular day!). I would be the one wearing and using the bag. So it really didn't matter whether other people didn't like it. I knew my close friends wouldn't think anything of it so I didn't need to worry about all the other people that may or may not like it. 

My points here; firstly, we have to find the joy in even the smallest things. A breakfast catch-up with an old friend, a caramel latte, walking along the seafront or whatever it is that brings a little happiness to your day - even if it is buying that red bag! Unfortunately, life has a lot of darkness and pain to offer - so why don't we just do the things that make us happy (obviously as long as this doesn't turn into us being completely selfish and forgetting to respect, love and appreciate others)!

Secondly, we don't need to surround ourselves with people that constantly question who we are, our dislikes, our beliefs, our values etc. etc. We CAN and SHOULD be ourselves! On Facebook for example, if someone is being rude to you, you can unfriend them or even just block them. It's that simple. You can stop having their input come up in your news feed and their comments on your photos and status updates. 

What about in real life? Don't stick to the status quo! (Yes - I am currently singing this song in my head!) find your true friends and don't worry about the ones that aren't. They're finding themselves too! Let them. And let yourself find who you are! We are individuals; fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)! 

Erin x

My Mum is Pretty Cool!

Last week my mum was interviewed on Premier Christian radio. Yep! You did read that right. Yes - I am talking about my mum (oh so sappy!) and yes - she was on the radio.

Not going to lie, I was pretty excited to get to go with her. She let me play the tambourine! Let me just say that my tambourine skills are astonishing and my playing was stellar - I am expecting a grammy to arrive at my house any day now!

Anyway, joking aside, I am very proud of my mum. Life hasn't been too friendly with her. But she never ceases to amaze me with the strength that she has.

When she was younger, or "back in the day" as my brother and I like to say, she was a young girl with a guitar, heavily influenced by Amy Grant much to my brother's dismay. She was one of Amy Grant's biggest fans with a perm to prove her unwavering dedication!! Not only was she a fan of music, but she even began writing her own music and playing a bunch of instruments. We recently counted how many she now plays, which turns out to be around 7.

Skipping ahead a few years, she married and had 3 children - who are quite wonderful might I add - and this resulted in the three of us learning our own instruments and becoming interested in songwriting. Flash forward a few more years and she has recorded a new album. Your Heart Beating (http://www.katieclaguemusic.com). My mum graciously allowed us to be featured on the album in some way, shape or form. My brother played guitar, I played my violin, and my sister took the album photos.

The brother and his mad skills!

When she was asked to play some of her songs live she asked my brother, uncle and I to join her for the interview. Cue 'Family Von Clague'. Obviously my brother played guitar and my uncle played the cajon. Originally, I was just supposed to be tagging along until my mum came across my tambourine skills - but we already went through that! Playing my own music live would probably completely freak me out. But my mum was calm and collected about the whole thing!

You see, she always knew that music was something that God had gifted her with to share with others - and she does this so well! She has always encouraged us with our dreams (at least the realistic ones - I used to come home from my grandparents having watched Spacecamp only to lay my chair flat on the floor pretending that I was an astronaut! Stupid NASA for stopping the space shuttle program! - Clearly not exactly the most realistic). She encourages us to strive for what is best. She inspires me to work hard and give everything I can.

She is brave and courageous. She has had to deal with issues and situations that you wouldn't wish on anyone. But she is here. She is still living. And by carrying on and continuing to write, play and record music to encourage others, she encourages and inspires me!

Erin x

Mother hen and I.