1 New Year, 6 New Approaches

And just like that, it's 2016! Where did 2015 even go?!

When New Year rolled around last year I wrote a blog post about my lack of faith in resolutions (read it here http://thereislifeoutthere.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/happy-new-year-and-all-that-jazz.html). I still believe they are essentially hopes and dreams that we make, but they are also simply ones we can make every other day of the year. 

I may have also mentioned that it makes sense to start the new year with a sense of clarity and a fresh approach to what you want the year ahead to hold. But along with this, there often comes a focus on ourselves. For many people, 2015 hasn't been a great year. Unfortunately, 2016 won't be that great for some either. When asked what I believe 2016 would hold for me, I honestly felt really anxious. 2015 hasn't been the most clear, and it makes me nervous to think if 2016 will be better. But I did think. Instead of thinking about what was going to happen in 2016 for me and those around me I thought about the different ways I could approach this year ahead. I hope I can remind myself of these when I feel frustrated with the year, and I hope these will give you some ideas as to how you can approach 2016 too!

1. Remember to breathe

Life is busy. Can I get an 'Amen'? I'm sure we all wish we could be a little like Zack Morris and be able to pause time, even if that means our friends are really bad at pretending to freeze. There are piles of to-do lists we can write for ourselves (and delegate a few more to others) and often it can feel as if they grow before we can tick anything off. This is literally my life when it comes to my job. Eventually though, some things become irrelevant because the time they needed to be completed for passes by. Honestly, this is actually quite satisfying. I'm not saying give up on what you need to get done, just don't stress if you don't get everything done! This wasn't even my main point here .... My main point is that sometimes your lists need to take a back seat and be put on the back-burner. You need to take time to breathe - do something that relaxes you. Get a new hobby and spend a little bit of time (or a lot if you put the 'pro' in procrastination) every now and then, as frequently as possible, giving yourself a much needed break!

2. Stop focussing on the past

This is very easily said but very difficult to do. Whilst is can be nice to reminisce, focusing on what has already happened can lead to missing what is happening in the present. I often overthink what has happened previously and this just adds to me being anxious. I need to learn to take every experience and opportunity for what it is and not bring any luggage of failure or fear. If we all approached different work opportunities, social experiences and people this way, would we have more confidence? Would we be more willing to step out of our comfort zone? Would we be more likely to realise our potential?

3. Just keep swimming

I am 90% sure that I have quoted Finding Nemo in a previous post, and I am 100% sure I will quote the movie again in the future (#sorrynotsorry). The whole concept behind Dory's ridiculously catchy song is relevant to anyone. Whatever life throws at you, whether it is something you've been waiting to happen for years or something that just flat out sucks, you have to keep going. Life is meant to be lived and even when you feel like you are crumbling under the pressures of school or work, or whether you could just really use a duvet day and spend it watching day-time TV, there is still beauty and hope in the life you live ...

4. Search for beauty and hope

I can pretty much guarantee that there will be moments in 2016 that won't exactly be fun for you. But, there will still be plenty of beautiful things about your life that you can look to and be thankful for. Maybe a life-long friendship will take it's course and fizzle out, but you will have other relationships with other friends and your family that you can look to. These relationships might even benefit and develop into something even more beautiful. Also look for the hope in your life. There will be things that you can be hopeful for. What are you hopeful for?

5. Focus on other people

Another easily said, harder to do one. When you're finding it tough, know someone else is finding it tough too. Maybe your 'toughness' won't be the same, but if you put your focus on someone else who is hurting, it may help. Do this even if you aren't finding anything tough - if someone else is, you can help them. Make sure you also take the time to develop the relationships in your life. Don't choose to only interact with people via social media - crazily enough, you can speak to someone face-to-face without one of you bursting into a ball of flames! Choose grabbing a long-overdue coffee (or caramel hot chocolate for us non-hipster people) with someone you haven't seen in a while over binge watching Netflix. Or, have that coffee while watching Netflix with that friend! Just spend this year with other people. Make memories and encourage one another. 

6. Prioritise right

As I have said, life is busy. But if we can learn to put what is important first and not put greater emphasis on far less meaningful things, life would be a lot smoother. I know that if I spend less time stressing about work than I spend actually getting it done (fellow procrastinators will understand me) my life would be far easier! That's a basic example, and probably one that relates to all of us. My main focus for this year ahead is to get the big priorities right. 1. God 2. Family and friends 3. Work. I know people reading this may not believe in what I do but I know that I need to put God first in my life. There are so many things that I waste time worrying about that could have not even developed into an issue if I had prayed or read my Bible. So, this is something that I am approaching differently going into 2016. As for family and work, I understand I have to work, and so does my family, but it's when work life takes precedence over spending time as a family that we have issues! In 2016, I have to make sure that my priorities are in the correct order! I don't want to look back in a year from now and realise that all my issues and struggles were a result of my priorities not being in the right order .... because that would be my fault, and I would rather blame someone else .... just kidding!

Despite nerves and anxieties growing each day over many different things, I look forward to seeing what 2016 holds, and what we all do with it. As corny as it sounds we only have one time to make 2016 count. So approach it the right way and actually make it count!

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

There is always going to one person that disagrees with you or what you are doing. Let's just put that out there straight away!

We go through life doing whatever it is that we do. For me, I teach (no clever comments about how all I do is finger-paint or "those who can't do teach"), I am involved with my church, I love ice-hockey and country music just to rattle off a few things. From these, there are a multitude of things that people disagree with. For example; my sister probably couldn't care less about ice-hockey, my brother is one of those people who is convinced that teaching is a 9 - 3 job ..... and all you do is finger-paint, a lot of people will choose to dislike my choice in music because the 'country twang' makes them cringe and the biggie, many have criticised me for my faith.

I'm sure you have heard this before - but stop worrying about what others think! If I let other opinions bother me, and at times they do - trust me, then I wouldn't 'be me' anymore (cliche!!!). Honestly, all I have to do is hear a deep southern voice or listen to a hockey game to hear the puck sliding across the ice and I feel relaxed. I understand others may not feel the same way, but that doesn't mean it makes it any less relaxing for me. It doesn't mean I have to change what I enjoy to suit them and make them feel satisfied.

My faith, is just that. It's mine. Yes, I believe what I believe and if you want to question me about it then go right ahead - I won't hold back and I'd love to share. But at the same time, I hate the perception that all Christians are indoctrinating people. We're not. At least we really shouldn't be! I share my faith where I can, but I recognise that it may not be something that others agree with, and I accept that.

So same for you! Choose to enjoy what you enjoy and what matters to you. If you are constantly looking for the seal of approval from those that surround you I guarantee you will be left disappointed. Don't let their opinions sway who you are - stand firm in what you believe. We are all different, and isn't that what is so great! We also have our own beliefs and opinions. They may not be shared beliefs and opinions, but we all need to respect that about one another, and show a little more love and kindness. Just because we stop worrying about other opinions doesn't mean we disrespect the people with the opinions!

I honestly believe that life can be lived to the fullest when we start living and seeking out life, as opposed to worrying about the negative things that others think of us. I challenge you to do the same and to challenge your friends to do the same with you! :)


(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!) 

One Year On

There are many cliches that go along with death. One that I have heard a lot is "time heals". Firstly, it doesn't heal. Think about it, you lose someone you love and yep, wait a year and you'll be hunky dory! Hate to break it to you but it just doesn't happen like that. Yes, there are advantages to time passing. With time comes distance. Distance from the event. Distance that helps blur it all a little bit (for lack of a better phrase) and give you a chance to find a new normal. That's another one - "things will never be normal again". This one used to make me laugh - seriously, is that not a given? 'Normal' changes and adapts as you and your circumstances do and the event kind of becomes a part of you and your life.

It is the now the sixth anniversary of losing my dad. So crazy that we are already at six years! In the past six years, life has carried on (ooh, another cliche ;) - although very true). My family and I have adapted to our new normal by plodding on with our lives. It has not been easy. There have been many tears and fights, but a lot of laughs too. We have fought to stay strong when all we wanted to do was crumble (and still crumble). We have pushed each other away and held onto each other when no one else has been there.

I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I have felt really let down by the people around me. People I thought could and should have been there for us instead of (literally at times) crossing the street to avoid us, forgetting the anniversaries or birthdays, or walking straight passed us without so much as a hello, all because they thought a picture on the wall was enough, or having family as leaders in our church meant we had someone looking after us. It was even said that they weren't there because they thought others had it covered.

If there is one thing that I need to take away from all of this, and should share (and in the words of Hunter Hayes), it's that you can't love too much. If you know, or even suspect that someone is hurting, don't just assume that someone else will be there for them. Go out of your own way to do something to help.

Another year on and being let down still hurts. Losing my dad still hurts. But I am learning to be grateful for the time I had with him. The obnoxiously loud laugh he had and his cheesy grin. There were ups and downs, but he was my dad and I miss him. I have hit milestones that I wish he could have been here to see and be a part of. But with time also comes new experiences and I could have chosen to not carry on with life so that he wouldn't miss out on them. But then I wouldn't be living. I want to experience what life has to offer, even if that means that it's hard at times.

I encourage you, if you have ever gone through a similar experience to do the same - experience life. Maybe you won't feel like doing it right away. Maybe it will take a few years. That's okay! But eventually, you'll get there. Remember, don't be afraid to ask for help or even for a friend to just grab a coffee with you. You'll be surprised how good it feels to smile and laugh for five minutes! And eat cake and ice-cream!!

So, one year on, the purpose behind this blog remains the same. I want to share my experiences in the hopes of helping and encouraging others. Despite being written a year ago, the following words still ring true - whatever you are going through or have been through, or even will go through, there is life out there - you just have to go out there and find it!


(Please feel free to comment on the blog and if there is anyone reading these posts that would like to email me to share their stories or experiences, then please do - thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com - I would love to hear from you!) 

Chapter By Chapter

I'm sure you have heard it said that your life is like a book, and you are writing your own story a chapter at a time. I'm sure you've also heard it said, or at least read if you've read some of my previous posts (I'm really hoping there are other people reading this ...), that I'm not completely convinced that I am doing what I'm meant to be doing - but really who is, right?

In Philippians 4:11, a verse that has quickly become one of my favourites, Paul speaks of how he has learnt to be content with wherever he is in life (and he didn't exactly live a life of luxury) - something we should do also. I admit it's often tough to feel happy when feeling out of place and feeling unsupported in what you really want to do. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you too have friends - family even - that discourage your ambitions and dreams. Maybe your story at the moment is just a chapter in your life. But in some way, doesn't that offer a little comfort? That one day, this chapter will end and a new one will begin?

I'm sure authors agonise over some of their chapters whilst they find others an absolute breeze to write. Similarly, readers probably fly through some chapters yet find others boring to read. And in this way, our lives really are like books. Some chapters are really easy to get through. They are gripping and exciting, filled with new experiences. However, there are also some chapters that simply aren't the same. They may seem endless and difficult, and they may suck. But remember, just like in a book, chapters end.

Wherever we are in our lives, there is always something else about to happen - whether it be good or bad. But I believe that there is a reason behind everything we go through, even if it is not evident at the time. We get through life like we get through a book - chapter by chapter.



thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com

4 Things We All Have In Common

There are many things that I would like to do with my life. Many different professions that I would like to be a part of. Many opportunities I would like to take. Many places I would like to go. Sometimes, I feel that I am failing myself by not doing something else. But ultimately, I guess, whatever I do, I want to do good and be a part of something good. I want to make a difference.

When I left primary school at 11 years old, there was a leavers' service to celebrate my friends and I ending one chapter in our lives and beginning another - the start of secondary school where we would, once again, be at the bottom of the food chain (unless you had really cool friends a few years above, and I was never that popular). Honestly, I couldn't tell you what words of encouragement were spoken in the hopes of inspiring us - all I remember is being given a parker pen, which, believe it or not, was really exciting back then! But this week, I was invited to a friends leavers' service and got to hear their motivational speech, and I couldn't help but think that it was something that everyone should hear, or perhaps just be reminded of.

There are four things that we all have. These four things are the backbone of what we need to make a difference. Firstly, we have eyes, to see the world around us. To see the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Secondly, we have a heart to feel what we are seeing. We may see pure happiness but we need a heart in order to feel it and to feel the good that can come from it. Instead of happiness, it may be sheer pain and heartbreak that we witness. It will be our heart that stirs up a movement and encourages us to seek change. Thirdly, we have a brain to figure out what we can do. At times it may feel like we are an ant in a world of giants. But there is always something, no matter how small, that can be done! Finally, we have hands and feet to actually go about making change. Each and every one of us, individuals or groups have the means and power to make change happen!

I agree that it may seem that world leaders, politicians, celebrities and athletes are capable of greater change. But are they?? They have press and cameras and a tonne of money (which, lets face it, could be spent in places and given to people that really need it - but that is a whole other topic/rant) but I wonder, if we all truly believed that we were capable of change, how different would this world look? Not even necessarily the world, but our schools, our homes, our workplaces. We can make change possible in little or large measures. But change is change. And it is possible. No matter what we have or what we are going through, we can use that to inspire change. I may have gone through losing a parent to cancer, but through that experience, I found a voice that I didn't know I had. One that I could use to share my story and hopefully help someone else feel like they are not alone. And that can be the same for anyone. For you. You can use whatever you are going through or have been through to inspire change.

There are countless quotes I could write here about being the difference you want to see in the world (see what I did there?) but it is true. If you wish to see something change, you have to be willing to change it. And you have what you need to make a change happen and to make a difference in this world!

Change. It may be a six letter word, but it can be incredibly powerful. You can be incredibly powerful!



thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com

Struggles in Celebrations

So, clearly the first post in a while. Needless to say that life got a bit busy - and it doesn't seem like it will be letting up anytime soon - although now it's summer and time to relax amongst being busy (if that even makes sense)!

The last couple of months have been filled with milestones. I turned 21, applied and interviewed for my first job and this week brought the end of 3 years of slaving for my degree - Hallelujah! Not going to lie, I'm very happy to have finished university! However, it was, along with getting my first job and turning 21, far more emotional than I had planned or anticipated. Each were a reminder that my dad wasn't around to celebrate with - which sucked. No other way around it. It just quite frankly sucked! I saw many of my friends celebrate with both parents, and also saw others celebrate with just one, or even by themselves. But ultimately, my dad was one of the first people that I wanted to celebrate with. For all his faults, I know how excited he would've been that I got my first job and will be graduating university with a degree. I can imagine his smile, laugh and his tears (hopefully of happiness - but also sadness because I won't be graduating with a 100% mark ;) ) that he would have had on his face when telling him. 

Maybe this year will be more of a reminder of him not being here because of what is happening, and each milestone that passes feels amazing and also like being crushed by a tonne of bricks, but all of it helps. And that's what needs to be remembered. With each moment of success and failure that dredges up old memories and feelings, as well as developing new ones, helps to heal wounds a little bit more. Maybe slowly, but surely. That cliche that says 'time heals', whilst I wouldn't necessarily say it is completely true because I don't think time can ever heal losing a parent, I can see how it has helped to bring some peace, acceptance and even some hope.

That being said, time also brings new pain. Today, being Father's Day has never really got to me before. But for some reason, it really hurt today. Perhaps because of this week finding out my results and knowing how proud my dad would've been. But whatever I go through, I have to remind myself (or at least let someone else remind me, because, let's face it, I am quite stubborn) that it's all part of the process. It helps the grief, which I have come to learn is an ongoing process and doesn't happen overnight. Being strong doesn't mean never crying. It doesn't mean never needing to talk about your feelings. It means owning how you're feeling and knowing that it's okay to struggle even in times of happiness and celebration. 

Life is a Roller Coaster of Emotion

This week has been emotional to say the least. And by saying this, it doesn't mean I spent the week sobbing. It was a mixture of emotions - both happy and sad, often all happening at once!

One of the big issues this week was that I was able to resolve a lot of issues relating to my dad .... It was not easy; it was awkward and a little painful to rehash everything I had felt over the past 5 years. But, it was needed. Boy, was it needed! For some reason (I can honestly say hand on heart that I don't know why it had become such an issue for me) I had grown to resent certain people for not being around when I felt they should've been. There was a great deal of bitterness, anger and disappointment that I had been, and was still feeling. However, I had been wondering for a long time what I could do to get over it. I had thought about just leaving it alone and letting it all fizzle out. But that never really get's anyone anywhere, does it? So, the only option I could see was to confront the issue and speak to these people. Believe me, I was terrified. I knew I had a point, but I was still incredibly nervous as to what their reaction would be and what they would come back to me with.

Anyway .... after about 4 and a half months, I finally managed to organise a time to meet and discuss some of the issues and questions I had with them. Thankfully, although I didn't see it at the time, I only had about 6 hours to stew and stress about what I was going to say and hear. This seriously was a blessing in disguise, because if I had had more time, say a day or the weekend, I would have been so stressed and worked up about it that I probably would have just cancelled. I know I was the one who had asked for the meeting, but the closer it got, the more terrified I was. Thankfully, again, an amazing friend of mine (you know who you are!!) encouraged me to keep the meeting and to not back out. She knew how much it meant to me and how important it was that I went through with it.

Cutting a long conversation short, a lot of questions were answered. So much was discussed and I left feeling a lot more comfortable with the whole situation, even if there will still be some unwanted feelings simmering away for a little while. However, it was nice to just sit and listen to these people and hear some stories that they remembered about my dad. They got to see a different side to him and it was good to be reminded of this. 

My point here is that I had to deal with the lemons life handed to me, and I honestly have no clue if I have made lemonade with them or not. But, what I do know is this . . . if I had just left the whole thing to sort itself out, it would have just eaten me away. And I couldn't live feeling bitter and angry every time I saw these people anymore. It wasn't healthy for anyone. So, if there is an issue that you know is eating you away, it is not worth letting it consume you. You need to deal with it in a kind way. This doesn't mean you punch someone because they have done something to you that you don't necessarily like. Believe me, there have been moments where even I have thought this would help! But the old cliché is true: violence is never the answer!

Like I have said before, everything happens for a reason - and sometimes it can be really hard to see what that reason may be. But you have to persevere and try to overcome any obstacles you may face. Because there is life out there, and we have to keep going, no matter how hard it gets. There are people that depend on us, just like there are people that we depend on. We have to fight to stay in the game - even if that means facing some awkward situations head on.

(thereislifeoutthere123@gmail.com)